On Monday, I finally made it out the door with my tennis shoes on. I had high hopes for going out and running long distances with ease while harboring fear of not ever being ready for the 5k that is coming up in three weeks.
When I started out on the trail I warmed up, stretched and started my jog. It seemed when my legs started lifting it triggered this mental battle all over again and I hadn't made it a full minute! GRRRRR.....I was so annoyed. I didn't know what the fight was about, how to kick it, what I needed to figure out to be able to move on. Worse yet, slowing to a walk didn't make the fight stop meaning all I had to finish the fight was my tennis shoes, the sunshine, the trail and myself.
I wish there had been a microchip in my head that I could just download to this post. I might never want to read the transcript but I bet there were some parts that were rather interesting. I called myself bad names. I told myself to ignore the bad names. I asked myself clarifying questions. I tried to convince myself to forget the 5k. I even thought, "man, I wish I had a microchip in my head right now that I could download to my blog." It took me two miles to fight this battle out and at the end of those two miles, all I had decided that all I could do was make it work.
I was freaked out about not being physically able to run this stupid 5k and was scared that trying to train for it would keep me from doing my other workouts and I wouldn't be able to hit my weekly goals. I was afraid I would try and fail. At the end of two miles I had decided that when I got home I would make a list, make a chart and get over myself. When the trail ended, I looped around for the two miles back and started jogging.
The two miles back went much faster than the way there thanks to alternate run/walks. When I got to my car and started downing my 32 ounces I had decided that I would try and everything else would just work out. And I guess, that's just going to have to be good enough.
That's all we can do!!
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