The Stated Obvious that I Ignored

I was told today that my pants were obviously too big.

That's all.

Weekly Weigh In

I overslept this morning and when I woke up at 9:40 my butt was out of bed like I was about to miss an airplane, not a weigh in!

But, after rushing around and falling down the icy stoop I made it to the weigh-in. As nervous as I was about what the scale would tell me, I had little to be worried about.

I lost 3.4 pounds this week! Even with the busy week I had, I managed to stay on track.

So these 3.4 pounds, added to last weeks earned me my first 10 pound award ribbon and it's pink!

I've lost a total of 10.8 pounds in two weeks. The weight loss means I have one less point to eat a day but I know I can do it.

I also will keep increasing my activity this week. I got a yoga video to do and I'm hoping the snow goes away so walking outside is a little more realistic. Tonight I'm going to meet my sister in Martinsburg, WV and the hotel we're staying in has a gym so I've got my workout clothes packed and will start this next week with a bang!

Whoo-hoo to a 10 pound total!

Stinky Snow

The Stinky Snow canceled my WW meeting and that bummed me out.

Work this week was busy with a three day training I led in Akron. That training meant that I ate my meals with the group. I made sure to count my points but I just don't know how the week will turn out. I'm nervous to step on the scale and so I was just wanting to get it over today and start a new, clean week.

I've been wondering this evening why I'm so nervous about stepping on the scale. Is it about letting myself down, letting others down? I decided that neither of those are right. I am proud of the decisions I made this week but I am nervous because I felt out of control this week. I worked 12+ hour days, felt stressed, ate food without nutrition labels... The training went really well and I was excited about it but exhausted from the effort it took to pull it off. I guess this week was the first week that tested if I can really lose weight during a typical week of work. And I think maybe I'm nervous because if I didn't lose any weight it means trying to balance work and health is going to be harder than it seemed the first few weeks of lent.

So tomorrow I'm going to attend the Saturday morning WW meeting...and the Stinky Snow better not make it get canceled again.

It Deserves a Post of Its Own!

My first weigh-in that is! I went to Weight Watchers tonight for my first weigh-in and in a day shy of a week I weighed in...

drum-roll please...

7.4 pounds lighter!!!!! WHOO-HOO!!

I did a little jig and some toe-touches and jumped up and down because I made myself proud. I made a decision and stuck to it and took a giant step to the life I deserve.

I was thinking tonight about why I am doing this. Beyond the Best Self thing...why have I decided living healthy is so important. And I think it is ironic it's Valentines day, a day I love and use to celebrate myself because today was the first day in a long time that I just felt absolute, unquestionable pride for myself. Yes for the 7.4 (7.4!!!) pounds but more for what it is a step towards.

This week I took a step towards running around, chasing my nieces without being short of breath. This week I took a step towards an airplane ride without worrying about the seatbelt being too short. This week I took a step towards hiking with my best friends. This week I took a step towards traveling the world alone. This week I took a step towards having children of my own. This week I took a step towards the incredible life God finds me deserving of.

So this next week I will work to take more steps...literally. This past week I focused on my eating but struggled with my movement. So between now and my next meeting I am going to focus on increasing my movement. So each day I will post what I've done. And I hope that because I won't want to tell you I've done nothing, it will motivate me to do something!

I set a goal to lose 20 pounds before I go to Guatemala...here's to 12.6 more!

My Weekend Firsts

So two firsts occurred this weekend...maybe three.

1. I went to a Mega-Church...the kind with big screens, valet parking and 7,000+ members.

2. I planned out my weeks meals, made a grocery list, clipped coupons and went shopping...and stuck to the list!

3. I went to Weight Watchers. Yeah, lets talk about that.

This past week at work Deb, a coworkers of mine, mentioned she was thinking of joining Weight Watchers. I had toyed with this idea because another coworker has been going but I didn't think attending WW with her would work out. Deb, on the other hand, is spunky, funny and full of life. We went to a meeting on Friday night, the first meeting for both of us.

I was skeptical of this whole WW thing...women getting together to weigh themselves and discuss all the food they eat? No thanks! But what I realized is that WW can be a community, a support system as you begin to make life changes, especially when someone you see each day is supporting you as well. The other thing I was surprised at is how much health is the focus of WW. Each person takes this little quiz that determines how many "points" they can eat each day. The quiz takes age, weight and activity into consideration. The "points" are determined not only by a foods calories and fat grams but also by their fiber...steering you away from empty calories.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that even though I didn't want to admit that I could use help in this, I know I do and I think this is a good first step to take.

I've gotten confirmation that I know how to eat well...what I'd been eating since Wednesday fit perfectly into my "points" allotment. I've also gotten motivated to see the results from the scale each week and get the different prizes the give out at meetings!! And I thought I might just meet a friend there too.

Lesson of the weekend...It's ok to ask for help. Support groups whether formed by friends, a therapist or Weight Watchers are good things.

Standing Up To Lonely

I wonder how loneliness happens. I mean, could I pinpoints the decisions in my life that put me in the path of loneliness or does loneliness happen no matter what paths you travel? Is it an unavoidable condition that we all encounter? Is it like the clouds that don't bring rain, just simply come to taunt you while covering your view of the sun?

The thing that ticks me off about loneliness is the way it holds you down. I can be feeling lonely, recognize that I'm lonely but still not shake it because the loneliness makes it hard to reach out.

Tonight when loneliness hit I knew I had to think about loneliness differently as my best self. What would I normally do when I'm lonely? I would crawl into bed, watch TV, avoid phone calls (yeah, I know it doesn't make sense to avoid friends when you are lonely for them) and eat. I would do all those things while denying the loneliness I was feeling.

So my best self had to come up with another course of action this evening when the lonely hit. Tonight when the lonely came I watched TV but only a show I always watch on Thursdays. While I watched that show I sat in my favorite chair under a beautiful throw, not my bed in my PJ's. When I wanted to find ice cream, I drank water.

Still, after all that, my show ended and I wanted to just crawl into bed. I tried to blog but didn't have anything to say and just as I was ready to cave under the lonely cloud I remembered my best self list. I read my list and started doing one small item at a time. I would start with something that took a minute to do like taking my multivitamin, then something that took five and soon after that I was knee deep in organizing craft supplies. I didn't feel inspired enough to create anything but I knew I just needed to distract my mind. For me, organizing is mental relaxation.

So here I am now, realizing that being my best self doesn't banish the lonely. What my best self does is identify the lonely, call it by its name, stare it in the eyes and take tiny steps until I kick it in its butt. In other words...my best self deals with it instead of cowering under it.

"Deal with it." Now that is part of my history that I can build my best life on.

The Best Self List

What would my best self would be? I originally was just going to write a sample list but that would mean I could not do some things so as silly as some of them are...here they are.

Each day my best self...
chooses not to bite my nails. enjoys being single. journals or blogs. reads a little bit of "Eat, Pray, Love". picks up my spaces. spends time being creative. spends time exercising before work. eats healthy food. follows a budget. parks in the furthest parking spot. stays positive. eats meals at real tables! keeps financial and food logs. gets to work by 8:30am. puts myself before work. finishes eating before 7:59pm. eats breakfast. flosses. washes my face...twice. takes a quick walk at lunch. takes my multivitamin. prays.

Each week my best self...
attends church. takes sunday off. calls at least one friend. calls at least one sister. goes out socially at least one night. balances my checkbook. works past dinner only one night. loses a few pounds. files my nails so i won't want to bite them. sleeps in until 10am on Saturday.

At the end of Lent my best self will have...
made and followed a budget. lost 15 pounds. filed my taxes. kept my car clean. finished my card portfolio. organized my life's paperwork.

I think it will take time to remember each thing my best self does everyday but I carry a list with me and I know what the biggest items are to focus on. I figure if I start with the big ones (exercise, healthy eating and a better budget) the smaller ones will fall in time. My main goal is to just keep focused and give myself the opportunity for success instead of talking myself into failure.

The Journey Begins

Lent begins today.

The last time I made a conscious decision to do something in observance of lent I began an amazing journey of self-discovery that lead to genuine happiness. I've been a little lost lately, or at least stumbling around in the dark confused, and I thought maybe taking the seven weeks of lent to focus might bring me back to my best self. So, this year for lent I'm going to be my best self.

On a daily basis I am overly-critical about myself in one way or another...
My hair is too frizzy.
My body is too big.
My nose is bumpy.
My feet are stinky. (ok, so that one is very true.)
But for as long as I can remember I have been this critical of myself. When I was little I would wrap my feet tight in tape to make them skinnier (my feet are really wide). I guess somewhere I read about foot binding and decided to try it.

So, I am left wondering, what would my best self be? I am going to be that self for the entirety of lent. I hope to create some habits and lose some others. Mostly though, I am doing it to spend some time focusing on myself, my life, my future and maybe, just maybe, I'll find the self-love that began to waiver in my 20's.

I spent hours last night trying to determine what my best self would be. It took eight pages to figure it out and I know I didn't think of everything. I thought of the physical, mental, spiritual, social, financial and global me. (If the word didn't end in "al" I decided it didn't fit.) From those 6 words I came up with a page of things to do daily, weekly and monthly to put me on the road to being my best self.

I tried to keep the list positive. Rather than thinking about giving up things I think of the things I'm gaining. The things I'm choosing to be part of my daily life. Along the way I'll probably think of more things (like choosing to file my nails rather than biting them). In order for an item to make it on the list it must push me towards my best self.

Although this blog is here for those of you whom I love most to read - it is really a blog for me. I've decided to do it as a way to remain connected, create a support network and to actually have to pause and think about how I spend my days. The blog creates an accountability and consciousness to my actions.

If you choose to join me as I journey through these next seven weeks know that this time is scary for me. I am about to give away my security blankets. I am moving on faith that if I give those tattered, torn blankets away that I'll gain a giant magic carpet to fly on. These weeks are also scary because it may mean letting go of secrets but I have realized secrets bring shame that I no longer wish to live in.

I look forward to walking out of a life clouded by shame and into a life lighted by loves amazing grace.