It's Sunday and I am sick but happy.
Earlier this week my IPod quit working after my run. I tried everything to fix it but after no success I pulled out the product replacement plan I paid for and went to Best Buy. Instead of replacing my IPod they gave me a gift card for the original price I paid for it which made me very excited since I could get double the memory in a new IPod for the same price. So I left the store with a new 16GB IPod, enough memory to get me through weeks of travel in Nepal, India, Bangladesh and wherever else I land.
While there, I got the great idea to buy an IPod shuffle for my next mini-marker weigh-in reward. Mom hid it so I couldn't open it before I hit 225 but I didn't have to wait long. I hit that mini-marker today and got my IPod Shuffle! I am very excited.
Next mini-marker? 219.8 which will put me at 60 pounds total lost, reward not yet determined. I bought travel guides to Nepal and India the other day but have not touched them until I decide if I can just read them or if they will be my reward for the 219.8 pounds. If I decide to make it my reward I will still earn them in time to take them to Seattle with me in April so Heidi, Alyssa and I begin planning the trip to come.
So I'm sick and it's sunny but I'm not enjoying that but I am enjoying my littler body and IPod shuffle. (and it's pink if you wondered.)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Spree.
The jumbled thoughts of the last week tumbled out tonight in multiple posts. They might make a little more sense in sequence. The first was about the case of the shoulds.
Grass by Piece of Grass.
I WIN!!
Today I was the champion of an almost 6 day fight in my head. After my lunch break I slipped into my workout clothes, put my tennis shoes by the door, ready for the trail I would hit at 5pm.
I don't know if it was sitting in my workout clothes for hours that made the change or if it was the sunshine or the fabulous lunch I shared with a friend but when I started to jog today it didn't trigger a fight. Two and a half of my four miles were spent running today.
I kept laughing at myself. "Jog to the next tree", I would say. Before I would reach that tree I would say "Jog to the telephone pole." and on and on the hour went. Sometimes I would set a marker and then decide I needed a shorter goal..."forget the bush, just jog to that tall piece of grass. Then think about the stupid bush." I might have taken it piece of grass by silly piece of grass but I made it a mile in 12 minutes and then started jogging again.
That jog was like my weight-loss. I have broken down my goal not in half but in 10 pound (or less) intervals. If I thought about the end goal I would give up before reaching it because I can't see it, it's so far away. When I was jogging, it was the same thing. I knew the mile marker was out there but I didn't know how far away it was so I made the goal shorter and by the time I saw the mile marker, the end, I knew I could finish what I started. My short goals I call "mini-markers" and still sometimes 10 pounds feels too far away so I break it down to my goal that week. Then the goal for the week is too far away so I step on the scale in the mornings during the week...not to record what it says but because that morning scale step is like the next piece of grass.
Maybe I have a short attention span or maybe I'm just really good at breaking huge goals down into manageable pieces. Whatever the reason, I'm going to keep concentrating on that next piece of grass and eventually I will have reached my goal with a big bottle of water in hand.
Today I was the champion of an almost 6 day fight in my head. After my lunch break I slipped into my workout clothes, put my tennis shoes by the door, ready for the trail I would hit at 5pm.
I don't know if it was sitting in my workout clothes for hours that made the change or if it was the sunshine or the fabulous lunch I shared with a friend but when I started to jog today it didn't trigger a fight. Two and a half of my four miles were spent running today.
the view from my water bottle.
I kept laughing at myself. "Jog to the next tree", I would say. Before I would reach that tree I would say "Jog to the telephone pole." and on and on the hour went. Sometimes I would set a marker and then decide I needed a shorter goal..."forget the bush, just jog to that tall piece of grass. Then think about the stupid bush." I might have taken it piece of grass by silly piece of grass but I made it a mile in 12 minutes and then started jogging again.
That jog was like my weight-loss. I have broken down my goal not in half but in 10 pound (or less) intervals. If I thought about the end goal I would give up before reaching it because I can't see it, it's so far away. When I was jogging, it was the same thing. I knew the mile marker was out there but I didn't know how far away it was so I made the goal shorter and by the time I saw the mile marker, the end, I knew I could finish what I started. My short goals I call "mini-markers" and still sometimes 10 pounds feels too far away so I break it down to my goal that week. Then the goal for the week is too far away so I step on the scale in the mornings during the week...not to record what it says but because that morning scale step is like the next piece of grass.
Maybe I have a short attention span or maybe I'm just really good at breaking huge goals down into manageable pieces. Whatever the reason, I'm going to keep concentrating on that next piece of grass and eventually I will have reached my goal with a big bottle of water in hand.
The Microchip in My Head.
On Monday, I finally made it out the door with my tennis shoes on. I had high hopes for going out and running long distances with ease while harboring fear of not ever being ready for the 5k that is coming up in three weeks.
When I started out on the trail I warmed up, stretched and started my jog. It seemed when my legs started lifting it triggered this mental battle all over again and I hadn't made it a full minute! GRRRRR.....I was so annoyed. I didn't know what the fight was about, how to kick it, what I needed to figure out to be able to move on. Worse yet, slowing to a walk didn't make the fight stop meaning all I had to finish the fight was my tennis shoes, the sunshine, the trail and myself.
I wish there had been a microchip in my head that I could just download to this post. I might never want to read the transcript but I bet there were some parts that were rather interesting. I called myself bad names. I told myself to ignore the bad names. I asked myself clarifying questions. I tried to convince myself to forget the 5k. I even thought, "man, I wish I had a microchip in my head right now that I could download to my blog." It took me two miles to fight this battle out and at the end of those two miles, all I had decided that all I could do was make it work.
I was freaked out about not being physically able to run this stupid 5k and was scared that trying to train for it would keep me from doing my other workouts and I wouldn't be able to hit my weekly goals. I was afraid I would try and fail. At the end of two miles I had decided that when I got home I would make a list, make a chart and get over myself. When the trail ended, I looped around for the two miles back and started jogging.
The two miles back went much faster than the way there thanks to alternate run/walks. When I got to my car and started downing my 32 ounces I had decided that I would try and everything else would just work out. And I guess, that's just going to have to be good enough.
When I started out on the trail I warmed up, stretched and started my jog. It seemed when my legs started lifting it triggered this mental battle all over again and I hadn't made it a full minute! GRRRRR.....I was so annoyed. I didn't know what the fight was about, how to kick it, what I needed to figure out to be able to move on. Worse yet, slowing to a walk didn't make the fight stop meaning all I had to finish the fight was my tennis shoes, the sunshine, the trail and myself.
I wish there had been a microchip in my head that I could just download to this post. I might never want to read the transcript but I bet there were some parts that were rather interesting. I called myself bad names. I told myself to ignore the bad names. I asked myself clarifying questions. I tried to convince myself to forget the 5k. I even thought, "man, I wish I had a microchip in my head right now that I could download to my blog." It took me two miles to fight this battle out and at the end of those two miles, all I had decided that all I could do was make it work.
I was freaked out about not being physically able to run this stupid 5k and was scared that trying to train for it would keep me from doing my other workouts and I wouldn't be able to hit my weekly goals. I was afraid I would try and fail. At the end of two miles I had decided that when I got home I would make a list, make a chart and get over myself. When the trail ended, I looped around for the two miles back and started jogging.
The two miles back went much faster than the way there thanks to alternate run/walks. When I got to my car and started downing my 32 ounces I had decided that I would try and everything else would just work out. And I guess, that's just going to have to be good enough.
Should-ing All Over Myself.
Last Wednesday I did my 5k prep and I hurt. It was hard, painful, frustrating and I was having a fight in my head the entire time. Every time I would jump of the tread to grab of gulp of water I would mentally beat myself up for stopping. During the middle of a segment I would lower the speed because I didn't think I could go that fast any more. When the person in the room tried to talk to me I breathily spat out "I chaaaant thaaaalk riiiiggghhhht nowwwww." or "No. I chaaaaaannnnt listeeeeen." Frankly, it was amazing that I didn't stop and yell for everyone to get out and let me do it myself!
I was having a fight with myself and the quitter was winning. The quitter kept saying "You're not so inspirational now, are you heavy breathing sweat-monster?"
I finished the workout Wednesday but fights in my head didn't end. Wednesday night turned in Thursday and Thursday to Friday and I was still fighting....and the fighting made excuses for not working out. Saturday I gave up. I told the quitter that I would give the week up, that I would eat the cheese and the salt and the blizzard that it was asking for since Wednesday but I would only do it so I could wake up on Sunday and the fight would be gone. I weighed in Sunday and saw the same numbers that were there at the beginning of the month and I was pleased. Pleased to erase the last two weeks and begin fresh.
It was Monday before I could workout again. The fight had knocked me around so badly that I was bruised, busted and without the motivation to get going but the day was sunny and warm and I wanted to hit the trail I would run for the 5k and see what would happen.
This wasn't my first fight but somehow it felt like the worst. Saturday when I ate that blizzard in defeat (but still enjoying it mind you) I wondering if I was really defeated or if maybe I did win the fight after all. At lunch today my friend and I talked about should-ing...the things we feel like we should do even if it isn't what is best or what we really want. When I was fighting with myself I was should-ing all over the place. I should eat healthy, I should exercise, I should keep with my program, I should wait until Sunday to splurge and blah blah blah blah blah. No. Saturday I finally said "Forget the shoulds and move the freak on!!" and ate my blizzard because I knew that eating it would satisfy the craving and let me move to the next step.
Should we always follow the shoulds? Sometimes we do the things we should and it makes us move more slowly to our goals because the shoulds keep us doing what is best for us. That's what I think and I for one am going to stop should-ing all over the place.
**thank you to Carrie Bradshaw for giving me my first insight into the shoulds.
I was having a fight with myself and the quitter was winning. The quitter kept saying "You're not so inspirational now, are you heavy breathing sweat-monster?"
I finished the workout Wednesday but fights in my head didn't end. Wednesday night turned in Thursday and Thursday to Friday and I was still fighting....and the fighting made excuses for not working out. Saturday I gave up. I told the quitter that I would give the week up, that I would eat the cheese and the salt and the blizzard that it was asking for since Wednesday but I would only do it so I could wake up on Sunday and the fight would be gone. I weighed in Sunday and saw the same numbers that were there at the beginning of the month and I was pleased. Pleased to erase the last two weeks and begin fresh.
It was Monday before I could workout again. The fight had knocked me around so badly that I was bruised, busted and without the motivation to get going but the day was sunny and warm and I wanted to hit the trail I would run for the 5k and see what would happen.
This wasn't my first fight but somehow it felt like the worst. Saturday when I ate that blizzard in defeat (but still enjoying it mind you) I wondering if I was really defeated or if maybe I did win the fight after all. At lunch today my friend and I talked about should-ing...the things we feel like we should do even if it isn't what is best or what we really want. When I was fighting with myself I was should-ing all over the place. I should eat healthy, I should exercise, I should keep with my program, I should wait until Sunday to splurge and blah blah blah blah blah. No. Saturday I finally said "Forget the shoulds and move the freak on!!" and ate my blizzard because I knew that eating it would satisfy the craving and let me move to the next step.
Should we always follow the shoulds? Sometimes we do the things we should and it makes us move more slowly to our goals because the shoulds keep us doing what is best for us. That's what I think and I for one am going to stop should-ing all over the place.
**thank you to Carrie Bradshaw for giving me my first insight into the shoulds.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Rockin' Out My Reward.
Last Monday I bought myself new fancy running shoes that I earned from my last mini-marker. I've been needing new shoes since my previous pair had been around since March 2006* and given that I'm running again, the timing couldn't be more perfect.
my view from the treadmill...can you see the drops of sweat?
So to sum things up:
*I know how old they are because I remember buying them while I was a manager in Seattle, attending training in Akron, PA for the first time...NOT because they were a fabulous pair of shoes. And yeah, they still had the plastic loop on them from the hang tag. I'm kind of lazy about fully removing tagging supplies.
my view from the treadmill...can you see the drops of sweat?I broke them in good last week because after finishing my sculpting workout video in my hotel room (yes, I brought my weights in my suitcase with me) I got on the treadmill and this is what I did.
Speed Walk: 5 minutesPlease do the math. That's 25 minutes jogging/running solid. That's two miles. That's more than since ummmm....2003. That was on the first day of my 5k prep plan.
Jog: 5 minutes
Run: 5 minutes
Jog: 10 minutes
Run: 5 minutes
Speed Walk: 5 minutes
Cool down.
So to sum things up:
I rock.
My shoes rock.
My workout clothes rock.
I rock.
and really, the hotel treadmill rocks too.
*I know how old they are because I remember buying them while I was a manager in Seattle, attending training in Akron, PA for the first time...NOT because they were a fabulous pair of shoes. And yeah, they still had the plastic loop on them from the hang tag. I'm kind of lazy about fully removing tagging supplies.
Pump It Up.
"Pump up the jam, pump it up while your feet are stompin and the jam is pumpin."
-Pump Up The Jam Lyrics By Technotronic
This is what I've been chanting to myself since finishing my cardio workout at full intensity and length tonight for the first time.
Six Weeks Ago...
I started two Biggest Loser workout videos, Power Sculpt and Cardio Max. I finished Power Sculpt Level 1 (there are three levels and you step up every 2 weeks) for the first time and mom asked if it kicked my butt. I laughed and told her it was so easy, I barely broke a sweat! The next day, however, I was so sore I could barely make it up and down the stairs.
I powered through though and did Cardio Max Level 1 the following day. I was breathing so hard at the end that I thought I was going to pass out...I spent the cool down lying face down on the floor. I was still sore at the end of the workout and I think it lasted, oh...at least 3 days.
Today...
Yesterday for the first time, I did Power Sculpt, all three levels, with increasing weights through each level. I was sure that I would be so sore today but to my glee I woke up with not a sore muscle in sight!
So, today when it was time to workout, I decided it was time to do Cardio Max all levels for the first time. I started the workout thinking, as long as I make it through the first two levels I could quit but decided I could kick my own butt (literally, I was doing butt kick jump ropes) and finish the whole workout. Five pounds of sweat and 50 minutes later I'd completed the full workout and when cool down came I was able to do it upright.
The Morale of My Random Reflection...
As I was cursing and screaming at the DVD player for sticking and thus making my workout longer during the hardest segments...I tried to focus on just how far I'd come in 6 weeks. I was completing exercises I thought impossible 6 weeks ago with lots of sweat but confidence. When things got really hard and the DVD was sticking making the pain last longer, I tried to tell myself that this two would be so much easier at the end of next week if I just kept going today.
As the sweat dried and turned to salt on my skin (kind of gross but very true) I started thinking about what else can change in just 6 weeks. If you choose to be disciplined, can you change anything in 6 weeks? I know I can grow my nails out in less than that. I know that my hair can grow a good half inch. I know that I can go from fast food burgers to fast food salads. If I focused for just 6 weeks could I start my card business? Could I save lots of money for my trip? Could I find a date? :)
In my workouts, I know I'm doing something good when my feet are leaving the ground or I'm going from the ground to the up high. Maybe it's the same outside of a workout too. If I'm taking leaps into the unknown, jumping at chances, going beyond what I thought I could do...it might be hard but it might be really good for me. If I've fallen down, maybe it is how fast I can get back up that shows my strength...not avoiding the fall in the first place.
If I can get so much stronger in 6 weeks, how much stronger will I be at the end of this? I'm beginning to see the possibilities as I sing "pump up the jam" and the possibilities are not all physical.
This is what I've been chanting to myself since finishing my cardio workout at full intensity and length tonight for the first time.
Six Weeks Ago...
I started two Biggest Loser workout videos, Power Sculpt and Cardio Max. I finished Power Sculpt Level 1 (there are three levels and you step up every 2 weeks) for the first time and mom asked if it kicked my butt. I laughed and told her it was so easy, I barely broke a sweat! The next day, however, I was so sore I could barely make it up and down the stairs.
I powered through though and did Cardio Max Level 1 the following day. I was breathing so hard at the end that I thought I was going to pass out...I spent the cool down lying face down on the floor. I was still sore at the end of the workout and I think it lasted, oh...at least 3 days.
Today...
Yesterday for the first time, I did Power Sculpt, all three levels, with increasing weights through each level. I was sure that I would be so sore today but to my glee I woke up with not a sore muscle in sight!
So, today when it was time to workout, I decided it was time to do Cardio Max all levels for the first time. I started the workout thinking, as long as I make it through the first two levels I could quit but decided I could kick my own butt (literally, I was doing butt kick jump ropes) and finish the whole workout. Five pounds of sweat and 50 minutes later I'd completed the full workout and when cool down came I was able to do it upright.
The Morale of My Random Reflection...
As I was cursing and screaming at the DVD player for sticking and thus making my workout longer during the hardest segments...I tried to focus on just how far I'd come in 6 weeks. I was completing exercises I thought impossible 6 weeks ago with lots of sweat but confidence. When things got really hard and the DVD was sticking making the pain last longer, I tried to tell myself that this two would be so much easier at the end of next week if I just kept going today.
As the sweat dried and turned to salt on my skin (kind of gross but very true) I started thinking about what else can change in just 6 weeks. If you choose to be disciplined, can you change anything in 6 weeks? I know I can grow my nails out in less than that. I know that my hair can grow a good half inch. I know that I can go from fast food burgers to fast food salads. If I focused for just 6 weeks could I start my card business? Could I save lots of money for my trip? Could I find a date? :)
In my workouts, I know I'm doing something good when my feet are leaving the ground or I'm going from the ground to the up high. Maybe it's the same outside of a workout too. If I'm taking leaps into the unknown, jumping at chances, going beyond what I thought I could do...it might be hard but it might be really good for me. If I've fallen down, maybe it is how fast I can get back up that shows my strength...not avoiding the fall in the first place.
If I can get so much stronger in 6 weeks, how much stronger will I be at the end of this? I'm beginning to see the possibilities as I sing "pump up the jam" and the possibilities are not all physical.
Giving Myself Full Credit.
Someone said that they thought the thermometer of pounds lost should show all the pounds I've lost so far....even those before I hit the 100 pound left mark.
So I changed it and am giving myself credit for the first 40 pounds I lost. Look how close to halfway I am!! Woot Woot!
So I changed it and am giving myself credit for the first 40 pounds I lost. Look how close to halfway I am!! Woot Woot!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Drawing Lines for a Life.
There is a 5k run for Goshen's First Friday event in April that I've been talking about running in since February. I've been increasing my cardio over the past month but have not thought much about the fact that I would have to run 3 miles straight, outside, with other people around for the event. As I was lying in bed last night these realities came to light, along with the fact that I scheduled a work trip that would make it so I couldn't be home in time for the run.
I lied in bed trying to be happy that work was going to get me out of this run but I couldn't escape feeling like I was letting myself down. As scary as running 3 miles straight, outside, with other people around sounded at 11pm, letting work get in the way of one more thing that I wanted to do was even worse.
So I did what I rarely do. I emailed my boss this morning and told him I needed to be home Friday for this event and could he rearrange the training schedule so I could get home. He did. I can. I'm running in a 5k.
I realize that the 5k wasn't the most critical of life events to rework a schedule for but for me it was another step in putting my life in balance with my work. I can say I don't do things because of my travel schedule, I often do, but I can also say I can't travel because of my life schedule.
When I get home next week I'm setting up some reserved "no travel" weeks in my schedule so I can live more of the life I'm fighting so hard for, coming out from under these 100 pounds.
I lied in bed trying to be happy that work was going to get me out of this run but I couldn't escape feeling like I was letting myself down. As scary as running 3 miles straight, outside, with other people around sounded at 11pm, letting work get in the way of one more thing that I wanted to do was even worse.
So I did what I rarely do. I emailed my boss this morning and told him I needed to be home Friday for this event and could he rearrange the training schedule so I could get home. He did. I can. I'm running in a 5k.
I realize that the 5k wasn't the most critical of life events to rework a schedule for but for me it was another step in putting my life in balance with my work. I can say I don't do things because of my travel schedule, I often do, but I can also say I can't travel because of my life schedule.
When I get home next week I'm setting up some reserved "no travel" weeks in my schedule so I can live more of the life I'm fighting so hard for, coming out from under these 100 pounds.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Supermodlequin.
I want to be one of Old Navy's Supermodelquin so I can talk about my butt with them. If I was a Supermodelquin I would join in conversations like this...
"The best part of being a mannequin is being able to turn your head around so you can stare at your butt."
"Yeah, I have a perky petuti."
"Check out my bodacious bum."
"Nutritious and bootylicious!"
I think I would say I've got a righteous round rump. What kind of supermodlequin booty do you have?
"The best part of being a mannequin is being able to turn your head around so you can stare at your butt."
"Yeah, I have a perky petuti."
"Check out my bodacious bum."
"Nutritious and bootylicious!"
I think I would say I've got a righteous round rump. What kind of supermodlequin booty do you have?
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Super Saver.
I'm a super saver!
There is this certificate of deposit at my bank where you can open it with $100, add to it over the year and get a higher interest rate than a normal savings account. I thought this might be a smart thing for my trip savings.
So, when I was welcomed home last week with my first pledge check I decided to go for it! The account is open and will automatically be added to each month (that's part of the deal of the account.) In addition to the money that will automatically be added to it each month I will be adding to it each Sunday after I weigh in.
I am pretty excited to be a super saver and it makes the fact I'm doing this all the more real.
ps. The bank calls it the "Smart Saver" but I think "Super Saver" sounds way more cool so that's what I am.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Purge.
Yesterday when I got out of my very own bed was very surprised to see myself in my full length mirror. It had been three weeks since I'd seen my full self and I was surprised at the changes.
Smaller calves, leaner legs and bigger biceps were just a few of the things that greeted me in the mirror yesterday morning.
So what did I spend my first morning at home doing? PURGING! I yanked out the jeans I've been trying on religiously to fit and prepared myself to try and wiggle in. Instead I slid in smoothly, buttoned effortlessly and felt better than I did when I wore them once for my 25th birthday! I just feel like I'm getting so much younger!
A few hours later, piles of clothes had moved into the closet because they now fit. Best of all, piles of clothes had moved out since they are now too big and baggy. Of course, all this purging occurred while dancing around to great music, running out to show my mom and then victoriously throwing the rejects onto the pile of the purged.
My closet now has room for new smaller clothes and I feel lighter knowing all that big baggage is moving out. A weight lifted, a recognition of a job well done and a secret sallie behavior I was glad to be able to do again.
Smaller calves, leaner legs and bigger biceps were just a few of the things that greeted me in the mirror yesterday morning.
So what did I spend my first morning at home doing? PURGING! I yanked out the jeans I've been trying on religiously to fit and prepared myself to try and wiggle in. Instead I slid in smoothly, buttoned effortlessly and felt better than I did when I wore them once for my 25th birthday! I just feel like I'm getting so much younger!
A few hours later, piles of clothes had moved into the closet because they now fit. Best of all, piles of clothes had moved out since they are now too big and baggy. Of course, all this purging occurred while dancing around to great music, running out to show my mom and then victoriously throwing the rejects onto the pile of the purged.My closet now has room for new smaller clothes and I feel lighter knowing all that big baggage is moving out. A weight lifted, a recognition of a job well done and a secret sallie behavior I was glad to be able to do again.
A New Reward.
After three weeks on the road I was home for an official weigh-in today. After my "last chance workout" this morning I weighed in with a new milestone.
229.6! Down another 10 pounds and over 50 pounds lost total.
In addition to those great milestones this weight loss also meant that through 3 weeks on the road with food and stress aplenty, I was able maintain 2 pound a week weight loss. I'm excited, very excited. And in addition to all that 229.6 means I am below my mini-marker goal of 229.8 and have earned myself a new pair of running shoes which I will go looking for tomorrow!
My next mini-marker? 225 pounds. I decided to reward 225 because it is a round number and seemed worth rewarding.
Check out the thermometers to the right for the latest weight & pledge totals.
229.6! Down another 10 pounds and over 50 pounds lost total.
In addition to those great milestones this weight loss also meant that through 3 weeks on the road with food and stress aplenty, I was able maintain 2 pound a week weight loss. I'm excited, very excited. And in addition to all that 229.6 means I am below my mini-marker goal of 229.8 and have earned myself a new pair of running shoes which I will go looking for tomorrow!
My next mini-marker? 225 pounds. I decided to reward 225 because it is a round number and seemed worth rewarding.
Check out the thermometers to the right for the latest weight & pledge totals.
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