Sometimes we can see a woman change. Sometimes we can see this happening before us as she
physically bursts forth into a beautiful butterfly! Sometimes it is harder to
see as it creates roots deep under the surface.
I want to share with you some
of the roots I am growing. I always find sharing a balancing act because I want to fix
things alone. I struggle to ask for help and share the difficulties I’m going
through with others. I don’t want anyone’s pity and I don’t want to appear
weak. Have you ever felt that way? Can you relate?
Well…in the past I found my
greatest success through sharing my journey with others and I want to do that
again because my heart & mind continued to write to you even when I stopped letting myself share.
In Feb 2008, weighing 279.8 pounds, strapped until mountains
for credit card debt, losing breath in anxiety…I started a journey to lose
weight & change my life. In July 2010, 2 1/2 years into my journey, I was
making the final payment to pay off THOUSANDS of dollars in credit card debt,
had lost 125 pounds…just 15 away from goal, was training for my first marathon,
met the man of my dreams, was leaving a job I was amazing at but wasn’t
fulfilled with to build my Mary Kay business…I was living my fairy tale dream. (Want the full story? Go back and read it...it's all here and it is pretty good!)
One pebble at a time, my firm foundation began to crumble.
My roots lost grip. Weight came back, debt began to build, fear overcame joy,
anxiety greater than peace, feelings of being ‘not enough’ clouded my every
thought. The women I had unleashed during my transformation began to hide again
both behind the weight that I’ve regained but also at time at home when I felt
like being what I know I can be was too exhausting. Do you know that feeling?
Being me was tiring, not energizing some days. That affected every part of my
life…including my ability to pour into my friends & clients Not because I
didn’t love each of the women around me, but because I could barely love myself
at times.
I’m at the turning point again. The place where I changed my
life in 2008…I am ready to do it again.
I anticipate the difficulty, discipline but more I anticipate the JOY
and HAPPINESS and SUCCESS and PRIDE that I will feel in myself. And now…NOW that I have a Mary Kay business
that allows me to touch the lives of women on a daily basis to share my journey
in hopes of inspiring others as I inspire myself…and to QUITE BEING ashamed of
it!
So, I STEP UP and declare that I will live in joy instead of
shame. I invite you to walk this journey with me. I know that this does not
make me weak but stronger than ever.
I have beaten myself bloodied & bruised since I started
re-gaining weight with disgust for myself. ‘How could I let this happen again?’
Today I embrace what taking a new path in my journey can be.
My story now will have more impact, doing it once is
impressive, twice is inspiring. I share my journey with you again but this time I think there
will be more grace, more joy IN THE MOMENT, more detours in the road to
happiness that isn’t found on a scale…but most of all, I pray that as I share my
journey I share strength & love just I am now finding strength & love
from a God I forgot could comfort me, strengthen me and make the audacious
dreams of my heart happen. I will not take where I am as a weakness on my part
but on a refinement from God. That last part of the journey was pretty good.
This is going to be AUDACIOUSLY AMAZING!
Come with me as I lose the pounds and gain pennies of
wisdom.
