Rally the Troops.

I feel like I'm at an impasse. That I'm stuck between what I've accomplished and what I have left to do. I'm tired.

30 pounds, I still have to lose 30 pounds. It overwhelms me. There are times I feel like it's freezing me in place. How is it that losing 100 pounds was not overwhelming? That knowing I had to lose 140 pounds didn't cause me to freeze yet these 30 left feel impossible?

They feel impossible. I have little reserves. The inspiration I'm finding in myself is sticking for shorter periods of times. I'm close to the end but I feel like it's miles away. I've been sick for more than a month. I'm back to traveling for work. I don't remember how I found the energy to do this. I'm tired.

I started this blog to share my journey but also to have people to support me when things got tough or I got tired. It's time to admit I'm tired. It's time to rally the troops.

If we talk, ask me how I'm doing. How my last workout was.
If we are planning to get together, ask me to go walking instead of to coffee.
If you think of it, email me telling me that I can do it.
If I don't blog, bug me until I do.

However you can think of it, I can use your help. My well of inspirational reserves is drying up fast, not lasting more than a day at a time, sometimes less. I typically hesitate about asking for help. I tend to struggle by myself more than I lean on others. But those habits are what got me to 280 pounds and are not what will help me lose the last 30. A wise woman has shared that you have to let people join in the celebration as well as the struggles. So I've shared my successes with you and look forward to sharing the success at the end but I could use some help to get there.

Pen on Paper

I was catching up on Biggest Loser episodes (thank you IPOD) and was inspired to write page after page, topic after topic with pen to paper. There are numerous blog entries that have been inspired and will be coming up soon.

I spent the last three weeks of January on the road and although the first week ended well the last two weeks were uninspired at best, lazy at worst. After arriving home I was just overwhelmed with frustration. When am I ever going to finish this? How is it possible when I am on the road at least two weeks every month for the foreseeable future? I was discouraged. I tried to listen to others to get the encouragement I needed, family commenting on my appearance, my mom telling my aunts I rock, friends reading my blog and giving great feedback, but that internal spark wasn't lighting.

But today I wrote and found a little of the inspiration I thought I had lost. I guess I'm just always surprised to find what I remember when I take time to listen to myself. In writing or running, I listen to what I've been feeling and find the answers I need to get moving again.