Today is the last day my weight will begin with a 2.
I weighed in today at 200.6, less than a pound from the 80 pounds lost mark. I could have been disappointed to not be in 199's, not to have made the 80 pounds this week but I'm surprisingly not.
Today is a day to celebrate, to remember, to carve in my memory as a day never to experience again. Today is the last day my weight will begin with a 2. Today is the last day I will type 200 into the treadmill when it asks for my weight. Today is the day I say good-bye to set of numbers I have lived in since 2004. Today is the last time you will see the thermometer read more than 60 pounds to lose because the next weigh in will throw me over the 80 pound lost mark.
Today is a day to say good-bye and be happy about it.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Dream.
I enjoyed singing along to a wonderful playlist as I walked the beach in the evening and as I thought about my book..my past and future...this playlist began to turn into soundtrack of my life.
If I were to have a movie made, this is the song that would play at either the beginning, end or some great climax in between. It might just be my new theme song.
If I were to have a movie made, this is the song that would play at either the beginning, end or some great climax in between. It might just be my new theme song.
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me."Dream" by Priscilla Ahn
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
I had a dream
Taking All Titles
As I walked on the beach thinking of my book. I began to think of book titles.
I didn't think of anything good but enjoyed the process. This morning, I found an email and its sender had spent their morning walk thinking of book titles (not knowing I'd done the same thing last evening).
So, now I'm taking all title suggestions for the book I'm going to write about the journey of the last 74.4 pounds and the 65.6 left to lose.
I didn't think of anything good but enjoyed the process. This morning, I found an email and its sender had spent their morning walk thinking of book titles (not knowing I'd done the same thing last evening).
So, now I'm taking all title suggestions for the book I'm going to write about the journey of the last 74.4 pounds and the 65.6 left to lose.
The Wonder of Water.
Some people go to the mountains, some to the trails but I go to the water to find peace. The moment I see the water in front of me, smell it in the air, hear the waves lap the shore I can take a breath, big and deep, and feel...well, I just feel right.
Three weeks in a row I'm traveling for work and rather than endure airplane after airplane, I'm driving from location to location in the south and spending my weekends near the water. This weekend I enjoyed Hilton Head Island. Beautiful temperatures, warm water, cool breezes...the perfect two days at the beach.
My days looked like this:
9:00am Wake up in comfortable bed and linger
9:45am Eat yogurt in comfortable bed and sigh
10:30am Get out of bed and prepare for beach
11:00am - 6:00pm Beach, read, apply sunscreen, eat picnic lunch, kayak or workout, sit on deck when I might start to burn.
6:30pm Order room service and Shower
8:00pm Begin long walk on the beach with IPOD.
9:30pm stand in dark night looking into ocean, listen to favorite song and just be happy
My favorite thing, besides the kayaking, may have been my nightly walks on the beach. Walking among the families and couples, it really just felt like me and my ipod and my thoughts which lead to 2 great epiphanies.
Epiphany One:
Maybe this is what I am supposed to do, I thought. Travel to world alone, exploring, enjoying and writing. I've always wanted to set roots...buy a house, have a career but maybe, that is not what I need. I was reminded by a women last week that not everyone could do what I do. Travel alone, eat alone, navigate unknown roads and airports and cities without fear, with confidence. I love it though. I love to travel alone...especially when there is water.
As I walked the beach I thought that maybe the roots I wanted to plant are already growing deep, with my friends and my family, and I don't have to own a home to have them. And that I think I would be happy without a home of my own if the world could be my home, my adventure. To do this, I need to write a book. I'm sure there are other ways I could figure how to travel but when I travel alone, I write. I walk the beach and write in my mind and I think it could be a good book. So, I'll get on writing the first book...the book about this journey and then I'll take on the world and be ok if that means not owning a home of my own.
Epiphany Two:
I'm happy being single. I think I've tried to be ok with this for a long time, said I was ok with it, happier with only myself to tend to. This weekend I believed it. I walked the beach, among the families and couples and felt no envy, no jealousy. I thought nothing about them...just about me, traveling the world and loving it.
Three weeks in a row I'm traveling for work and rather than endure airplane after airplane, I'm driving from location to location in the south and spending my weekends near the water. This weekend I enjoyed Hilton Head Island. Beautiful temperatures, warm water, cool breezes...the perfect two days at the beach.
My days looked like this:
9:00am Wake up in comfortable bed and linger
9:45am Eat yogurt in comfortable bed and sigh
10:30am Get out of bed and prepare for beach
11:00am - 6:00pm Beach, read, apply sunscreen, eat picnic lunch, kayak or workout, sit on deck when I might start to burn.
6:30pm Order room service and Shower
8:00pm Begin long walk on the beach with IPOD.
9:30pm stand in dark night looking into ocean, listen to favorite song and just be happy
My favorite thing, besides the kayaking, may have been my nightly walks on the beach. Walking among the families and couples, it really just felt like me and my ipod and my thoughts which lead to 2 great epiphanies.
Epiphany One:
Maybe this is what I am supposed to do, I thought. Travel to world alone, exploring, enjoying and writing. I've always wanted to set roots...buy a house, have a career but maybe, that is not what I need. I was reminded by a women last week that not everyone could do what I do. Travel alone, eat alone, navigate unknown roads and airports and cities without fear, with confidence. I love it though. I love to travel alone...especially when there is water.
As I walked the beach I thought that maybe the roots I wanted to plant are already growing deep, with my friends and my family, and I don't have to own a home to have them. And that I think I would be happy without a home of my own if the world could be my home, my adventure. To do this, I need to write a book. I'm sure there are other ways I could figure how to travel but when I travel alone, I write. I walk the beach and write in my mind and I think it could be a good book. So, I'll get on writing the first book...the book about this journey and then I'll take on the world and be ok if that means not owning a home of my own.
Epiphany Two:
I'm happy being single. I think I've tried to be ok with this for a long time, said I was ok with it, happier with only myself to tend to. This weekend I believed it. I walked the beach, among the families and couples and felt no envy, no jealousy. I thought nothing about them...just about me, traveling the world and loving it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Missed Celebration.
While I was away from center, I missed celebrating a big accomplishment with you (and myself).
I now have lost more weight than I have left to lose....I have passed the 70 pounds lost mark and have 66 have to lose.
It still surprises me when I think about it.
I now have lost more weight than I have left to lose....I have passed the 70 pounds lost mark and have 66 have to lose.
It still surprises me when I think about it.
Coming Back to Center.
I've been away...not away from my computer, but away from a place of inspiration. I've been muddling by, getting in good sweaty workouts (sometimes), eating well (most weeks) and maintaining my weight. I've been off focus and frustrated. I've been discouraged. I've been disappointed. I've been uninspired.
I would think to myself, "You need to blog."
I would answer myself, "What the heck do I have to say?"
I met with a friend last week who had not seen me in months and was shocked by the small sight of me. I had a hard time sharing in her delight because by now I feel I have looked this way for 3 months and I'm sick of it, ready to move on. I confessed to her how discouraged I was. She asked if I'd blogged recently and as I told her I hadn't. I added that I knew that was part of the problem, that by not blogging I didn't have the release of thought, the conciousness that it took to keep me sharply focused and aware of myself.
She challenged me that my not blogging was more than that. In my blogging you get to share in my success, my milestones, my revelations and sometimes in my tears. You could celebrate with me in those times but now when I'm discouraged and uninspired, I turn away from writing, from my friends, family and cheerleaders...all when I am in the most need of YOUR inspiration!
She did a good job of putting my head back on (as she always does) and last week I managed to whiddle off some more weight...maybe it was the weight of frustration that I had been carrying for so long.
I feel to be back on the right path I have on more thing to say. I'm sorry. You all have been a wonderful support. I thought of you by name when I was discouraged and frustrated but I didn't come to you and say "I'm discourages, I'm frustrated, please inspire me." You could have, I know but I didn't come here. Next time, because there is enough weight left to lose there will be a next time, I will.
I would think to myself, "You need to blog."
I would answer myself, "What the heck do I have to say?"
I met with a friend last week who had not seen me in months and was shocked by the small sight of me. I had a hard time sharing in her delight because by now I feel I have looked this way for 3 months and I'm sick of it, ready to move on. I confessed to her how discouraged I was. She asked if I'd blogged recently and as I told her I hadn't. I added that I knew that was part of the problem, that by not blogging I didn't have the release of thought, the conciousness that it took to keep me sharply focused and aware of myself.
She challenged me that my not blogging was more than that. In my blogging you get to share in my success, my milestones, my revelations and sometimes in my tears. You could celebrate with me in those times but now when I'm discouraged and uninspired, I turn away from writing, from my friends, family and cheerleaders...all when I am in the most need of YOUR inspiration!
She did a good job of putting my head back on (as she always does) and last week I managed to whiddle off some more weight...maybe it was the weight of frustration that I had been carrying for so long.
I feel to be back on the right path I have on more thing to say. I'm sorry. You all have been a wonderful support. I thought of you by name when I was discouraged and frustrated but I didn't come to you and say "I'm discourages, I'm frustrated, please inspire me." You could have, I know but I didn't come here. Next time, because there is enough weight left to lose there will be a next time, I will.
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