Standing Up To Lonely

I wonder how loneliness happens. I mean, could I pinpoints the decisions in my life that put me in the path of loneliness or does loneliness happen no matter what paths you travel? Is it an unavoidable condition that we all encounter? Is it like the clouds that don't bring rain, just simply come to taunt you while covering your view of the sun?

The thing that ticks me off about loneliness is the way it holds you down. I can be feeling lonely, recognize that I'm lonely but still not shake it because the loneliness makes it hard to reach out.

Tonight when loneliness hit I knew I had to think about loneliness differently as my best self. What would I normally do when I'm lonely? I would crawl into bed, watch TV, avoid phone calls (yeah, I know it doesn't make sense to avoid friends when you are lonely for them) and eat. I would do all those things while denying the loneliness I was feeling.

So my best self had to come up with another course of action this evening when the lonely hit. Tonight when the lonely came I watched TV but only a show I always watch on Thursdays. While I watched that show I sat in my favorite chair under a beautiful throw, not my bed in my PJ's. When I wanted to find ice cream, I drank water.

Still, after all that, my show ended and I wanted to just crawl into bed. I tried to blog but didn't have anything to say and just as I was ready to cave under the lonely cloud I remembered my best self list. I read my list and started doing one small item at a time. I would start with something that took a minute to do like taking my multivitamin, then something that took five and soon after that I was knee deep in organizing craft supplies. I didn't feel inspired enough to create anything but I knew I just needed to distract my mind. For me, organizing is mental relaxation.

So here I am now, realizing that being my best self doesn't banish the lonely. What my best self does is identify the lonely, call it by its name, stare it in the eyes and take tiny steps until I kick it in its butt. In other words...my best self deals with it instead of cowering under it.

"Deal with it." Now that is part of my history that I can build my best life on.