The Journey Begins

Lent begins today.

The last time I made a conscious decision to do something in observance of lent I began an amazing journey of self-discovery that lead to genuine happiness. I've been a little lost lately, or at least stumbling around in the dark confused, and I thought maybe taking the seven weeks of lent to focus might bring me back to my best self. So, this year for lent I'm going to be my best self.

On a daily basis I am overly-critical about myself in one way or another...
My hair is too frizzy.
My body is too big.
My nose is bumpy.
My feet are stinky. (ok, so that one is very true.)
But for as long as I can remember I have been this critical of myself. When I was little I would wrap my feet tight in tape to make them skinnier (my feet are really wide). I guess somewhere I read about foot binding and decided to try it.

So, I am left wondering, what would my best self be? I am going to be that self for the entirety of lent. I hope to create some habits and lose some others. Mostly though, I am doing it to spend some time focusing on myself, my life, my future and maybe, just maybe, I'll find the self-love that began to waiver in my 20's.

I spent hours last night trying to determine what my best self would be. It took eight pages to figure it out and I know I didn't think of everything. I thought of the physical, mental, spiritual, social, financial and global me. (If the word didn't end in "al" I decided it didn't fit.) From those 6 words I came up with a page of things to do daily, weekly and monthly to put me on the road to being my best self.

I tried to keep the list positive. Rather than thinking about giving up things I think of the things I'm gaining. The things I'm choosing to be part of my daily life. Along the way I'll probably think of more things (like choosing to file my nails rather than biting them). In order for an item to make it on the list it must push me towards my best self.

Although this blog is here for those of you whom I love most to read - it is really a blog for me. I've decided to do it as a way to remain connected, create a support network and to actually have to pause and think about how I spend my days. The blog creates an accountability and consciousness to my actions.

If you choose to join me as I journey through these next seven weeks know that this time is scary for me. I am about to give away my security blankets. I am moving on faith that if I give those tattered, torn blankets away that I'll gain a giant magic carpet to fly on. These weeks are also scary because it may mean letting go of secrets but I have realized secrets bring shame that I no longer wish to live in.

I look forward to walking out of a life clouded by shame and into a life lighted by loves amazing grace.