Plug, Plug, Plugging...Plugging Holes I'd Rather Ignore.

It's not fast or dramatic or ending at the end of March but I'm still plugging along. Where have I been, you may wonder? After I called to rally the troops I fell away, did you think I'd quit? I won't lie or pretend that I didn't doubt myself but I haven't quit.

Many of you wrote when I asked the troops to rally, all inspired me, one has become my mantra.

"Listen to your body and mind, do what you can today. That is what's gotten you this far."

I said it out loud one day. The thing that I'm not supposed to say but had been thinking, had in my mind weighing me down. "What if I just stop here? What if I just say it's good enough?"

I had to say it out loud because I knew what the answer was but by having it my mind, not admitting that I'd been thinking it for so long, was causing me to sabotage myself, keeping me from losing week after week. I was still doing the right things to lose weight but I was doing enough of the wrong things to make the weight loss slight and slow. I was sabotaging myself. There were no "geese" in my path, just my own giant shadow causing me wonder if I should keep going.

I guess I need to say it out loud to all of you too. I doubted myself...doubted my resolve to keep going. What I learned in the process is that I still have learning to do. I've come a long way in the last two years but I'm not done losing weight yet for a reason. There are still lessons to learn during these last 25 pounds and I have to be open to learning, reflecting, being honest with myself to finish this journey of loss so I can being my next journey. I also know that when I hit my last pound gone, the lessons will continue and as soon as I stop listening to what I have to say, what I am thinking and feeling, I will catch myself slipping into bad habits I've worked to reform.

The goal is not to"not slip", it is to catch myself faster each time I slide.

As well as plugging along, I've been plugging holes I'd rather ignore. What do I mean by that? You know those things you know you have to do but you don't want to do them? The things you try to ignore but they never leave your mind and nag, nag, nag at you? They are holes. The act of "ignoring" them causes them to become bigger than they are and they suck your energy so you can't fully invest in the things you really want to be doing and celebrating.

My holes have been things I haven't done but know I need to do to fill my spirit. I need to blog to stay centered. I need to be on my Tuesday night Mary Kay calls to stay connected and positive. I don't do them and I can tell I'm not doing them but at some point it becomes a big deal to do them again. It's like an airplane....it uses most of its fuel to take off and climb to cruising altitude. Once you're cruising high, there is little effort needed to maintain. The same is true for people. I can complain about my travel schedule, say the time on the road is making it hard to maintain balance and it is probably true to say it makes it hard....it is not true to say it's not possible.

Balance is possible as long as you make it a priority and sometimes that simply requires remembering that YOU are a priority.

I am remembering that and tonight I am making myself do the thing that seemed to get bigger and bigger each day...the first blog entry after a drought. The first is always the hardest but...

sometimes the only way to get started is to just get started.

I may not make April 4 but I will make 139.8 and that is the most important number of all. That and May 6...the day I leave for Nepal. But I'll leave that blog for tomorrow.