I'm writing without inspiration and without words to write. But I am writing with the hopes that building the discipline of writing regularly, once again, will move me forward to finishing. I write hoping that disciple will bring focus which in turn will bring finishing.
I know that I have to stop doubting myself. To get the thoughts out of my head that have me wondering if this is where my journey will end, if I will stop here unable to finish. For the past few weeks I haven't visualized myself losing weight and reaching my goal. Instead, I've seen myself stalled, staying at this weight, failing to reach my goal and slowly gaining it back.
I know that what you visualize is what turns to reality so I know that in addition to discipline and focus, I have to regain my optimism, to once again visualize myself finishing this amazing journey.
I bought tickets to Nepal. I'll be leaving May 6. This is to be my celebratory trip, taken in May for a variety of reasons including the weather and my sister still living there. I'm having a hard time planning for the trip, however. It could be because of the busy work schedule I've had the last few weeks but I don't think it is. I think I realize this weekend that it is really because I am feeling so crappy about my progress to completing my goal that knowing I'm going on a trip to celebrate success well...I don't feel like I've earned it.
I know the stress of feeling like a failure makes the weight loss harder.
I know thinking of failing makes me fail.
I know visualizing the worst makes it harder to achieve what will be my reality.
I know these things. But my mind is still dragging me down and I need to figure out how to turn it back around and push me forward.
I leave for Nepal on May 6. I can take advantage of each day between now and then. I can convince myself that I will make forward progress so I can celebrate on that trip. I can reach my goal weight before I leave...and at worst case (thanks to lots of walking) while I'm there.
I need to write my pledger's and let them know where I am at in my journey and when my goal is to complete. The struggle though is doing so and fully believing it will happen.
Maybe that is my goal this week. Start working again towards discipline, finding focus to my goal, visualizing the positive and believing in myself again. Those four little things, and writing to my pledger's.
Work to the potential you know you can this next month and great things will happen. First, stop beating yourself up for what you've done or not done up until this point, let it go. Second, praise yourself for the healthy changes you have made in your life over the last year. Third, focus on each individual workout. Fourth, draw a picture or jot down some words of inspiration that you can look at each day to change what you visualize. Fifth, pray for strength, endurance, discipline, and happiness for what you have accomplished so far. And last, make sure to smile! :) Love you! You can do it!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you thought you didn't have anything to say! Show yourself some compassion - you're doing a great job!
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