Energy with an edge of Little Nagging Lonely.

Last night I finished work and was filled with an amazing amount of energy. I was feeling happy and fit, full of vitamin D, healthy foods and hardy workouts.

Today that feeling continues...a feeling that has come and gone in the past but seems to be coming and staying much more often now. And I've been trying to decide what this energy is coming from...yes the vitamin D and endorphins are helping but it must be more than that.

I am focused. I see the halfway mark right in front of me and I know I will reach it this week. Maybe it is because of that focus, that confidence, the accomplishment I am anticipating for reaching such a big milestone that is making me feel so......powerful.

Wound up, full of energy, confident that anything I want can be mine. I feel so ridiculously happy and am not fearful that happiness will go away! I now know I made this happiness for myself. It might be karma finally coming around to my side but I think I am ready to go reach for things I used to complain never came my way.

Last night when I was full of this energy I was also alone, the house empty for the evening, free to do what I wished. As I was running and lifting and cooking the energy sat there under the surface with this little nagging of lonely eating at the corners. It's annoying this little nagging lonely but I am choosing to accept it. This lonely isn't the same kind of lonely I used to have when I was alone, depressed, unhappy. This little nagging lonely is the edge of the energy that wishes I had someone to enjoy all this happiness with. To go putt-putt golfing, on a long bike ride, for a scoop of ice cream or enjoy a home-cooked meal made with fresh herbs I have yet to kill, someone to run while I am running or lift weights beside.

So, I'm enjoying the energy, the happiness and have determined that I will just have to accept that little nagging lonely that sits at the edge. Afterall, it's not a bad lonely. It is the kind of lonely that let's me know I am ready for what else is to come. It is the kind of lonely that gives me the confidence to give my number to a boy and be ok with the fact he hasn't called. If I gave it once, I'm sure there will be another boy, another time and the fear of giving my number...gone.