Don't worry. I'm still alive and kickin' (or more appropriately alive and runnin'.) Posts of substance in progress, to be shared in the next few days.
In the meantime, checkout the thermometer. 90 pounds have come and, more importantly, gone!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A Morning Miracle.
For weeks (ok, ok...months) I've been attempting to wake up in the morning for a workout before starting the workday.
This morning a miracle occurred. I awoke at 6:00am alert enough to coax myself out of bed and into workout gear. My shoes were laced before I heard the rain pouring outside...a lucky break since hearing the rain would have ensured my hitting snooze. I didn't have the mental stamina to face a 4.5 mile run in the dark, cold rain at 6am but since I was already dressed I hit the fitness room for 60 minutes on the stationary bike.
It turned out to be a good way to start out the day. It's not yet a habit but at least the snooze standard was broken. Can I make it two days in a row? We'll see tomorrow but staying at a place with no easy access to TV or other evening distractions defiantly makes the odds higher. It's 9pm and I'm crawling into bed.
One morning miracle workout down...and still more than a month to train myself to enjoy it before the half-marathon.
This morning a miracle occurred. I awoke at 6:00am alert enough to coax myself out of bed and into workout gear. My shoes were laced before I heard the rain pouring outside...a lucky break since hearing the rain would have ensured my hitting snooze. I didn't have the mental stamina to face a 4.5 mile run in the dark, cold rain at 6am but since I was already dressed I hit the fitness room for 60 minutes on the stationary bike.
It turned out to be a good way to start out the day. It's not yet a habit but at least the snooze standard was broken. Can I make it two days in a row? We'll see tomorrow but staying at a place with no easy access to TV or other evening distractions defiantly makes the odds higher. It's 9pm and I'm crawling into bed.
One morning miracle workout down...and still more than a month to train myself to enjoy it before the half-marathon.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Needs Unknown.
It is nice when you get things you don't know you need.
Last night I had to face the reality that I had to pack again for 12 days away from home. I had been home for just a week, getting into a routine and sticking to the no cheat challenge and training for the half marathon. I was not excited to leave again. I was not excited for the challenge of 12 days away from home, very busy work days, workouts in hotel fitness rooms, creative healthy meals, no cooking... The scale is moving and I don't want it to stop!
Today I received a few gifts to encourage me as I go into these 12 days away from home.
1. The man at the rental car counter looked at my driver's license (the worst picture on the face of the planet) and then looked at me. "You've lost a lot of weight," he said. "You look beautiful."
2. I was running my 4.5 miles (yes, my 'short runs' are now 4.5 miles) on the treadmill after a full day of travel. Biggest Loser was on and encouraging me to push through the run even though I hated doing it on the treadmill. I handed the remote over to the other guy who had been in the room with me as I was preparing to leave. "I should probably keep watching it," he said. "We're doing the Biggest Loser at work and although us guys started out strong the women have taken the lead." We had a casual little chat about the difficulty of losing weight while traveling and ended the conversation by saying we'd see each other again since we're both here for the week.
3. I found a new favorite airport food at Chicago Midway. Potbelly Turkey sandwich with hot peppers. YUMM. Just thinking of it makes me happy. Typically, my travel days are filled with food temptations but today was a huge success. I ate my favorite sandwich, found a subway next to the hotel for dinner and when I tallied up what I had eaten I was at the exact place I was supposed to be! I'm getting pretty good at this whole 'choices' thing.
4. The hotel has free Exercise TV. 15 minute workouts great for a hotel room. A good way to get in some strength training without weights.
5. The hotel room has a rain shower head. This doesn't make workouts or eating well easier (although the microwave and mini-fridge do) but it sure did make me happy. Oh, and I look forward to a post-workout shower so maybe it does make me want to workout!
So those were a few gifts I received that I didn't know I needed but they made the first day of 12 a pretty good one.
Last night I had to face the reality that I had to pack again for 12 days away from home. I had been home for just a week, getting into a routine and sticking to the no cheat challenge and training for the half marathon. I was not excited to leave again. I was not excited for the challenge of 12 days away from home, very busy work days, workouts in hotel fitness rooms, creative healthy meals, no cooking... The scale is moving and I don't want it to stop!
Today I received a few gifts to encourage me as I go into these 12 days away from home.
1. The man at the rental car counter looked at my driver's license (the worst picture on the face of the planet) and then looked at me. "You've lost a lot of weight," he said. "You look beautiful."
2. I was running my 4.5 miles (yes, my 'short runs' are now 4.5 miles) on the treadmill after a full day of travel. Biggest Loser was on and encouraging me to push through the run even though I hated doing it on the treadmill. I handed the remote over to the other guy who had been in the room with me as I was preparing to leave. "I should probably keep watching it," he said. "We're doing the Biggest Loser at work and although us guys started out strong the women have taken the lead." We had a casual little chat about the difficulty of losing weight while traveling and ended the conversation by saying we'd see each other again since we're both here for the week.
3. I found a new favorite airport food at Chicago Midway. Potbelly Turkey sandwich with hot peppers. YUMM. Just thinking of it makes me happy. Typically, my travel days are filled with food temptations but today was a huge success. I ate my favorite sandwich, found a subway next to the hotel for dinner and when I tallied up what I had eaten I was at the exact place I was supposed to be! I'm getting pretty good at this whole 'choices' thing.
4. The hotel has free Exercise TV. 15 minute workouts great for a hotel room. A good way to get in some strength training without weights.
5. The hotel room has a rain shower head. This doesn't make workouts or eating well easier (although the microwave and mini-fridge do) but it sure did make me happy. Oh, and I look forward to a post-workout shower so maybe it does make me want to workout!
So those were a few gifts I received that I didn't know I needed but they made the first day of 12 a pretty good one.
Single Serving: Turkey Salad Scrumptious
Place this scrumptious turkey salad over a cup of spinach for a delicious salad.
Salad:
2 ounces turkey breast cubed
1/2 stalk celery
2 slices red onion
7 grapes
1/4 apple
2 t raisins (or craisins)
1/2 T almonds, slivered and toasted
Chop the ingredients above to about the same size and toss together. Set aside to prepare dressing.
Dressing:
1 t dijon mustard
1 t mayo
3 t apple cider vinegar
Mix all the dressing ingredients with a spoon. Toss over turkey salad mixture. Eat and enjoy.
Salad:2 ounces turkey breast cubed
1/2 stalk celery
2 slices red onion
7 grapes
1/4 apple
2 t raisins (or craisins)
1/2 T almonds, slivered and toasted
Chop the ingredients above to about the same size and toss together. Set aside to prepare dressing.
Dressing:
1 t dijon mustard
1 t mayo
3 t apple cider vinegar
Mix all the dressing ingredients with a spoon. Toss over turkey salad mixture. Eat and enjoy.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Single Serving: Warm Beet and Blue Cheese Salad
2 red beets
1 T blue cheese
1 t olive oil
2 t red wine vinegar
1 t dijon mustard
Boil water, add red beets and bring back to boil. Reduce to simmer and cover. Cook red beets until they are tender when poked by a fork. When tender, drain water and rinse with cold water. Peel beets and slice into 1/4 inch slices.
Make dressing by placing olive oil, vinegar and mustard in small container and shake until well mixed.
Toss beets in dressing, plate and sprinkle with blue cheese.
Variation: Steam a handful of green beans and plate under the beets for a lovely Green Bean and Beet salad.
1 T blue cheese
1 t olive oil
2 t red wine vinegar
1 t dijon mustard
Boil water, add red beets and bring back to boil. Reduce to simmer and cover. Cook red beets until they are tender when poked by a fork. When tender, drain water and rinse with cold water. Peel beets and slice into 1/4 inch slices.
Make dressing by placing olive oil, vinegar and mustard in small container and shake until well mixed.
Toss beets in dressing, plate and sprinkle with blue cheese.
Variation: Steam a handful of green beans and plate under the beets for a lovely Green Bean and Beet salad.
A Cheat Challenge.
I don't think of myself as a cheater. Maybe other people would say I'm a cheater, but I consider myself flexible and forgiving. They call it cheating for a reason. I always thought of the term "cheat" in the context of what you eat as eating something you shouldn't. The term was always about the food but I realized it's not about the food. It's about me.
When I cheat, I cheat myself. I cheat myself out of seeing the benefits of the 6 miles I ran today. I cheat myself out of an additional pound lost this week. I cheat myself out of the reward I'm so close to earning. I cheat myself out of celebration and into frustration. I cheat myself out of more time spent at my goal weight. The more "cheats" the more delays. I am very good at being forgiving, I don't beat myself up when I choose to cheat but I had never thought of the long term, the building effect the cheats have.
So. I've decided to issue myself a cheat challenge. No cheats. If I taste it, I count it and in any given week, I can't eat more than I should. If I've got a workout scheduled, I do it. All of it. I know how I cheat and I'm challenging myself to stop it.
My "no cheat challenge" started today and goes until November 29th, the half-marathon. My weight-loss goals in that time are challenging but I can't wait to see what I can accomplish when I respect myself enough not to cheat.
When I cheat, I cheat myself. I cheat myself out of seeing the benefits of the 6 miles I ran today. I cheat myself out of an additional pound lost this week. I cheat myself out of the reward I'm so close to earning. I cheat myself out of celebration and into frustration. I cheat myself out of more time spent at my goal weight. The more "cheats" the more delays. I am very good at being forgiving, I don't beat myself up when I choose to cheat but I had never thought of the long term, the building effect the cheats have.
So. I've decided to issue myself a cheat challenge. No cheats. If I taste it, I count it and in any given week, I can't eat more than I should. If I've got a workout scheduled, I do it. All of it. I know how I cheat and I'm challenging myself to stop it.
My "no cheat challenge" started today and goes until November 29th, the half-marathon. My weight-loss goals in that time are challenging but I can't wait to see what I can accomplish when I respect myself enough not to cheat.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Cowboys and Ice.
My last night at my sister's in Colorado... After the accidental run I iced my knees, drank my tea and sang "Home on the Range" with my favorite Colorado Cowgirl. A good night indeed.
Every time I'm with my nieces I'm reminded of reasons I'm running my weight away. There was a time when I would not have been able to chase them, swing them around or have a dance party with them. Instead, I am a participant in their lives, not simply the observe I would have otherwise been.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The Accidental Run.
I'm in Colorado for work and lucky enough to be staying with my sister. Today was a gorgeous sunny and 65degree day, perfect for a run outside. So, after much discussion over where to run, we decided to head to the river where there was a five mile path along the river with distance markers along the way. A rolling run for me and a nice place for my sister to walk with my sisters.
As I started out on the run I was prepared to go to distance marker 20. The markers were in 1/10 of a mile intervals and I would run two miles, turn around and meet my sister back at the beginning, getting in a good 4 miles.
Marker 1 came slowly, marker 2 even more so...I didn't know why I was running so slowly. I was having a mental argument with myself, convinced that I was running so slowly my sister, walking at the pace of a 2-year old, would soon be nipping at my heals.
The markers came and went while my discouragement only built. What had I eaten to make me so slow? I changed my workout schedule and was paying the price. I would never be able to make it four miles today and over and over I tried to convince myself to stop and turn around early.
Finally, I was away from the river and entering an industrial park near marker 15. The microchip in my brain recorded the following argument: "I am pathetic, unable to make it even two miles. I should just call my sister and have her pick me up. I didn't bring my cell phone. The sun will set and they will think I'm lost. This is why I always know the destination when I run! What was I thinking just 'going with the flow'!?" Then, I burst into tears while still running.
Finally at marker 15 I conceded, turning around while still crying and telling myself that at marker 8 I could stop running and walk the rest of the way because stress while running would simply cause injury. As I was nearing the walking reprieve, I asked a woman beside me for the time. 5:55pm and I had begun at 5pm. With a sigh I then asked "and these markers are for just 1/10th of a mile, right?" She began to laugh. "Oh no, Honey," she replied, "that's a quarter mile."
She laughed on her way and I tried to pry my chin off my still running chest. Calculations ensued. I had already finished 5 miles, the same length as my long run from Sunday. I still had 2.5 miles to get back to the car.
As tired as I was, I was excited. Knowing this changed the way I thought of the entire run. I wasn't slow, I was superwoman. I'd run 5 miles in 55 minutes! If I kept going I would run a quarter marathon and I still have 7 weeks of training!
I finally finished my run at 7 miles. Having met my sister at marker 5 (and yes, she was wondering where I had been.) I walked with her the last half mile to cool my aching body down. 7 miles. 75 minutes. My best run yet.
I find it amazing how quickly a mind can shift from tears to joy, from calling itself "wussy wanna-be" to "serious superwoman" in a matter of seconds. Had I gone out today to run 7 miles (and mind you I was trying to get people to tell me I didn't really have to run the four.) my mindset would have been different from the beginning and I would have saved myself frustration of 55 confused minutes. It might not have been easy but it would have been easier than beating myself.
What else do I beat myself up for that if I knew the facts, I would see I was exceeding my expectations, not failing them? What other markers am I passing where the mileage is just completely off? Hopefully there are less than there were a year ago but I know they still exist . This accidental run is a good reminder to beat myself up a little less and call myself superwoman a little more.
As I started out on the run I was prepared to go to distance marker 20. The markers were in 1/10 of a mile intervals and I would run two miles, turn around and meet my sister back at the beginning, getting in a good 4 miles.
Marker 1 came slowly, marker 2 even more so...I didn't know why I was running so slowly. I was having a mental argument with myself, convinced that I was running so slowly my sister, walking at the pace of a 2-year old, would soon be nipping at my heals.
The markers came and went while my discouragement only built. What had I eaten to make me so slow? I changed my workout schedule and was paying the price. I would never be able to make it four miles today and over and over I tried to convince myself to stop and turn around early.
Finally, I was away from the river and entering an industrial park near marker 15. The microchip in my brain recorded the following argument: "I am pathetic, unable to make it even two miles. I should just call my sister and have her pick me up. I didn't bring my cell phone. The sun will set and they will think I'm lost. This is why I always know the destination when I run! What was I thinking just 'going with the flow'!?" Then, I burst into tears while still running.
Finally at marker 15 I conceded, turning around while still crying and telling myself that at marker 8 I could stop running and walk the rest of the way because stress while running would simply cause injury. As I was nearing the walking reprieve, I asked a woman beside me for the time. 5:55pm and I had begun at 5pm. With a sigh I then asked "and these markers are for just 1/10th of a mile, right?" She began to laugh. "Oh no, Honey," she replied, "that's a quarter mile."
She laughed on her way and I tried to pry my chin off my still running chest. Calculations ensued. I had already finished 5 miles, the same length as my long run from Sunday. I still had 2.5 miles to get back to the car.
As tired as I was, I was excited. Knowing this changed the way I thought of the entire run. I wasn't slow, I was superwoman. I'd run 5 miles in 55 minutes! If I kept going I would run a quarter marathon and I still have 7 weeks of training!
I finally finished my run at 7 miles. Having met my sister at marker 5 (and yes, she was wondering where I had been.) I walked with her the last half mile to cool my aching body down. 7 miles. 75 minutes. My best run yet.
I find it amazing how quickly a mind can shift from tears to joy, from calling itself "wussy wanna-be" to "serious superwoman" in a matter of seconds. Had I gone out today to run 7 miles (and mind you I was trying to get people to tell me I didn't really have to run the four.) my mindset would have been different from the beginning and I would have saved myself frustration of 55 confused minutes. It might not have been easy but it would have been easier than beating myself.
What else do I beat myself up for that if I knew the facts, I would see I was exceeding my expectations, not failing them? What other markers am I passing where the mileage is just completely off? Hopefully there are less than there were a year ago but I know they still exist . This accidental run is a good reminder to beat myself up a little less and call myself superwoman a little more.
Single Satisfaction
In this journey I am finding pride in my choices, peace with where I am today and simple happiness. I was talking with my friend about being single. This is what I told her I realized.
I am happy and I happen to be single. When I was dating, I was never this happy. I wasn't even this happy single before and I know I wasn't choosing relationships that were going to bring me happiness.
I am happy and I happen to be single. The relationships I choose today are relationships that enrich my life, add joy to it. I enjoy being happy and if I happen to be single, fine. I know when the time comes that I'm not single, that relationship will be one of respect, joy, adventure and more happiness than I can imagine.
I am happy and yes, I happen to be single.
I am happy and I happen to be single. When I was dating, I was never this happy. I wasn't even this happy single before and I know I wasn't choosing relationships that were going to bring me happiness.
I am happy and I happen to be single. The relationships I choose today are relationships that enrich my life, add joy to it. I enjoy being happy and if I happen to be single, fine. I know when the time comes that I'm not single, that relationship will be one of respect, joy, adventure and more happiness than I can imagine.
I am happy and yes, I happen to be single.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Call it a Switchback.
Switchbacks: trails with very sharp turns. trails that wind, making them less steep than a strait trail.
I spent this past weekend in the mountains. As a person who finds peace at the water, I never understood the draw of the mountains. As a person who loves new ways to workout, I understand the draw of the hike. Saturday I spent 90 minutes hiking around with no distractions...no people, no ipod, no cellphone.
As I enjoyed the fresh air, the rustle of the aspen leaves, the blue sky and beautiful views I thought about switchbacks and plateaus.
During weight loss you experience periods where the scale doesn't change. I know this because my scale hasn't changed since August. These periods are called plateaus and are frustrating to the point of tears. I shed some just last week from the frustration. You think you are doing what you need to be doing and still, the scale does not change.
As I was hiking, I was winding through switchback trails. I knew I was going up the mountain but the switchback made the climb up a more manageable incline and I really didn't think I was going that far up. Then there was a clearing. The trees broke, I could look down to where I had climbed from and I saw how far I had come.
Maybe they shouldn't be called plateaus in weight loss, but switchbacks. You know you're doing the work but you don't see the results but then, all of a sudden, the trees break and the scale changes.
This week I reached the top of this switchback and the scale went down.
I spent this past weekend in the mountains. As a person who finds peace at the water, I never understood the draw of the mountains. As a person who loves new ways to workout, I understand the draw of the hike. Saturday I spent 90 minutes hiking around with no distractions...no people, no ipod, no cellphone.
As I enjoyed the fresh air, the rustle of the aspen leaves, the blue sky and beautiful views I thought about switchbacks and plateaus.
During weight loss you experience periods where the scale doesn't change. I know this because my scale hasn't changed since August. These periods are called plateaus and are frustrating to the point of tears. I shed some just last week from the frustration. You think you are doing what you need to be doing and still, the scale does not change.
As I was hiking, I was winding through switchback trails. I knew I was going up the mountain but the switchback made the climb up a more manageable incline and I really didn't think I was going that far up. Then there was a clearing. The trees broke, I could look down to where I had climbed from and I saw how far I had come.
Maybe they shouldn't be called plateaus in weight loss, but switchbacks. You know you're doing the work but you don't see the results but then, all of a sudden, the trees break and the scale changes.
This week I reached the top of this switchback and the scale went down.
The Half Marathon
"I've decided to run the half-marathon and you should run a half-marathon with me." says my best friend as we talk while I drive from Cleveland to Goshen. I had been in a work-out lull for a few weeks, I was getting back on track, needing a goal to work towards and the race was in Seattle on my 29th birthday. I said yes. I said yes to running a half-marathon in Seattle, on my birthday, 11 weeks from the day we made the decision.
Two days ago I ran 5.6 miles in 45degree drizzly rain, the perfect training run for Seattle really. I had given myself permission to put off my run until the next day thanks to the cold, the wet and the dark but just as my little devil said I could postpone, the angel put on my tennis shoes and hit the road for one of my best runs yet.
The map of the marathon is on my desktop, I'm memorizing the route, memorizing the inclines, declines and water stops. When I run, I visualize the route I'll be running in a few weeks, visualize myself saying goodbye to fear and hello to the finish line.
I'm now on week number of 5 of a 12 week training plan. The first week of training the longest run was 4 miles and already I'm running 4 miles on a routine day. I buy Runner's World magazine, I pour over them whenever I can and when people ask "Are you a runner?" I proudly say "Yes. I am."
I will be starting my 29th year by finishing a half-marathon. I will finish my 29th year by completing a marathon. I think 29 will rock.
Two days ago I ran 5.6 miles in 45degree drizzly rain, the perfect training run for Seattle really. I had given myself permission to put off my run until the next day thanks to the cold, the wet and the dark but just as my little devil said I could postpone, the angel put on my tennis shoes and hit the road for one of my best runs yet.
The map of the marathon is on my desktop, I'm memorizing the route, memorizing the inclines, declines and water stops. When I run, I visualize the route I'll be running in a few weeks, visualize myself saying goodbye to fear and hello to the finish line.
I'm now on week number of 5 of a 12 week training plan. The first week of training the longest run was 4 miles and already I'm running 4 miles on a routine day. I buy Runner's World magazine, I pour over them whenever I can and when people ask "Are you a runner?" I proudly say "Yes. I am."
I will be starting my 29th year by finishing a half-marathon. I will finish my 29th year by completing a marathon. I think 29 will rock.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Single Serving
I have a great idea for a cookbook. Well, at least I think it is a great idea.
One of the hardest things about eating well is learning how to cook for one. When you use recipes, they serve 4 or more. Well, silly healthy cookbooks, when you are overweight you aren't very good with portion control and if you cook a meal for four and you are only one, it is likely you will eat more than you should.
There are only so many times you can eat the same leftovers. Cooking and freezing ahead is a great option but the idea of cooking and freezing isn't appealing to everyone. So, how do you cook for one when the grocery stores and cookbooks are built to cook for four? That is the cookbook I want to write.
When I am home my favorite time of day is lunch, when I can scrounge through the pantry, freezer and fresh foods to make a meal just for myself. I will start to write some of these recipes down and work towards creating a cookbook written just for one. So, maybe if you are lucky, I will begin a weekly sharing of my recipes written just for one...fresh, fast and fabulous single servings.
One of the hardest things about eating well is learning how to cook for one. When you use recipes, they serve 4 or more. Well, silly healthy cookbooks, when you are overweight you aren't very good with portion control and if you cook a meal for four and you are only one, it is likely you will eat more than you should.
There are only so many times you can eat the same leftovers. Cooking and freezing ahead is a great option but the idea of cooking and freezing isn't appealing to everyone. So, how do you cook for one when the grocery stores and cookbooks are built to cook for four? That is the cookbook I want to write.
When I am home my favorite time of day is lunch, when I can scrounge through the pantry, freezer and fresh foods to make a meal just for myself. I will start to write some of these recipes down and work towards creating a cookbook written just for one. So, maybe if you are lucky, I will begin a weekly sharing of my recipes written just for one...fresh, fast and fabulous single servings.
Fall Focus
Summer's slip has turned like the weather into a Fall of focus. Labor day weekend I went to Grand Marais and had a chance to take a deep breath of Lake Superior air. It was weekend that tipped summer to fall...from a season of slip to focus.
After a beautiful still day on the beach, a book read from cover to cover, I was inspired to lace up my running shoes for the first time in weeks. Shoes laced, I hit the road out of town, not knowing where it would take me. As I ran out of town, I realized how bored I'd become with my workouts. The same routines, the same trail, the same ole' same ole'. Running out of town, I embraced to freedom of the unknown road and breathed in the possibilities before me.
Possibilities...it is one of the things I find peace in. I have always known I enjoy beaches where you can't see land on the other side and now I know I love running roads when you don't know what you might encounter. You might even find your name carved into rock on the beautiful lake shore.Possibilities.
Isn't that part of what this whole journey is about? When I started this, I knew that I was unhappy, felt like I had no options. Losing weight might not be easy but the possibilities before me are worth it. Oh, and so am I.
The Summer Slip.
June and July rocked. I was working out 6 days a week with butt-kicking workout videos from Jillian Michaels. I was getting all kinds of muscles and even some abdominal muscles. The weight loss was slow but the workouts were awesome. Then came the summer slip...summer came and the focus slipped away.
Last year the summer slip led to a 15 pound gain and only ended after a major bout of food poisoning kick started 5 of 15 back off. This year the summer slip was not nearly as severe. I managed to only gain a few pounds and they were back off in a week.
Beating myself up over the slip would have been easy but wouldn't have done any good. Summer comes each year, each year I'll slip at least a little bit. It isn't realistic to expect never to slip but it is realistic to expect that the slips will get shorter and the bounce back will take less time. So that is what I did during my summer slip. I forgave myself and kept stepping on the scale.
I must admit though....I do miss the mega muscles and the day I realized they weren't as big was the day my slip stopped.
Last year the summer slip led to a 15 pound gain and only ended after a major bout of food poisoning kick started 5 of 15 back off. This year the summer slip was not nearly as severe. I managed to only gain a few pounds and they were back off in a week.
Beating myself up over the slip would have been easy but wouldn't have done any good. Summer comes each year, each year I'll slip at least a little bit. It isn't realistic to expect never to slip but it is realistic to expect that the slips will get shorter and the bounce back will take less time. So that is what I did during my summer slip. I forgave myself and kept stepping on the scale.
I must admit though....I do miss the mega muscles and the day I realized they weren't as big was the day my slip stopped.
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Tattoo.
My mother may not want to read this one... :)
I've been thinking of the perfect tattoo. I've been thinking of this for a while - sketching designs, trying to determine what about this journey I would want forever inked onto my skin since the tattoo would come only after losing half of myself. True, there are still many pounds to shed before I can commemorate with ink but I figure if I would live with this tattoo for the rest of my life it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit with the idea of the tattoo for a while to make sure I'd want it forever.
The other day at work I saw a piece of wall art and knew immediately that was it...that it was my tattoo. The tattoo is inspired by a cut metal piece from Haiti, the country that has inspired me in my work for so many years. Beyond work, these artisans have inspired me personally. These are artisans who take what others discard, imagine what could be, create art and put hope that each piece will bring them a better future.
"Earth Mother" they call her, this women with stem and leaves forming her shape like she is grown from the earth. This woman is rooted, yet flexible like the branches of the tree. Her hips are rounded like a heart, arms spread wide open to the possibilities, welcoming life. In her hand I will add a bird, a symbol of fears that I held onto for so long allowing them to hold me back. This bird, though, will be poised for flight, the fear being released allowing other things to come into grasp. And at the base of this woman a word signed where the artist would sign it, a single word that summarizes this journey of forgiveness, self, strength, hope and future...the one word yet to be determined.
Since this sculpture inspired the tattoo I can feel it on my skin, imagining where it will be. I visualize it, know what it represents and I begin to draw motivation to continue this journey one pound, one day and one choice at a time.
And frankly, I'm just so excited about the tattoo right now that if losing weight faster means getting it sooner...that could be some good motivation.
I've been thinking of the perfect tattoo. I've been thinking of this for a while - sketching designs, trying to determine what about this journey I would want forever inked onto my skin since the tattoo would come only after losing half of myself. True, there are still many pounds to shed before I can commemorate with ink but I figure if I would live with this tattoo for the rest of my life it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit with the idea of the tattoo for a while to make sure I'd want it forever.
The other day at work I saw a piece of wall art and knew immediately that was it...that it was my tattoo. The tattoo is inspired by a cut metal piece from Haiti, the country that has inspired me in my work for so many years. Beyond work, these artisans have inspired me personally. These are artisans who take what others discard, imagine what could be, create art and put hope that each piece will bring them a better future.
"Earth Mother" they call her, this women with stem and leaves forming her shape like she is grown from the earth. This woman is rooted, yet flexible like the branches of the tree. Her hips are rounded like a heart, arms spread wide open to the possibilities, welcoming life. In her hand I will add a bird, a symbol of fears that I held onto for so long allowing them to hold me back. This bird, though, will be poised for flight, the fear being released allowing other things to come into grasp. And at the base of this woman a word signed where the artist would sign it, a single word that summarizes this journey of forgiveness, self, strength, hope and future...the one word yet to be determined.
Since this sculpture inspired the tattoo I can feel it on my skin, imagining where it will be. I visualize it, know what it represents and I begin to draw motivation to continue this journey one pound, one day and one choice at a time.
And frankly, I'm just so excited about the tattoo right now that if losing weight faster means getting it sooner...that could be some good motivation.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Last Day of 2's
Today is the last day my weight will begin with a 2.
I weighed in today at 200.6, less than a pound from the 80 pounds lost mark. I could have been disappointed to not be in 199's, not to have made the 80 pounds this week but I'm surprisingly not.
Today is a day to celebrate, to remember, to carve in my memory as a day never to experience again. Today is the last day my weight will begin with a 2. Today is the last day I will type 200 into the treadmill when it asks for my weight. Today is the day I say good-bye to set of numbers I have lived in since 2004. Today is the last time you will see the thermometer read more than 60 pounds to lose because the next weigh in will throw me over the 80 pound lost mark.
Today is a day to say good-bye and be happy about it.
I weighed in today at 200.6, less than a pound from the 80 pounds lost mark. I could have been disappointed to not be in 199's, not to have made the 80 pounds this week but I'm surprisingly not.
Today is a day to celebrate, to remember, to carve in my memory as a day never to experience again. Today is the last day my weight will begin with a 2. Today is the last day I will type 200 into the treadmill when it asks for my weight. Today is the day I say good-bye to set of numbers I have lived in since 2004. Today is the last time you will see the thermometer read more than 60 pounds to lose because the next weigh in will throw me over the 80 pound lost mark.
Today is a day to say good-bye and be happy about it.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Dream.
I enjoyed singing along to a wonderful playlist as I walked the beach in the evening and as I thought about my book..my past and future...this playlist began to turn into soundtrack of my life.
If I were to have a movie made, this is the song that would play at either the beginning, end or some great climax in between. It might just be my new theme song.
If I were to have a movie made, this is the song that would play at either the beginning, end or some great climax in between. It might just be my new theme song.
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me."Dream" by Priscilla Ahn
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
I had a dream
Taking All Titles
As I walked on the beach thinking of my book. I began to think of book titles.
I didn't think of anything good but enjoyed the process. This morning, I found an email and its sender had spent their morning walk thinking of book titles (not knowing I'd done the same thing last evening).
So, now I'm taking all title suggestions for the book I'm going to write about the journey of the last 74.4 pounds and the 65.6 left to lose.
I didn't think of anything good but enjoyed the process. This morning, I found an email and its sender had spent their morning walk thinking of book titles (not knowing I'd done the same thing last evening).
So, now I'm taking all title suggestions for the book I'm going to write about the journey of the last 74.4 pounds and the 65.6 left to lose.
The Wonder of Water.
Some people go to the mountains, some to the trails but I go to the water to find peace. The moment I see the water in front of me, smell it in the air, hear the waves lap the shore I can take a breath, big and deep, and feel...well, I just feel right.
Three weeks in a row I'm traveling for work and rather than endure airplane after airplane, I'm driving from location to location in the south and spending my weekends near the water. This weekend I enjoyed Hilton Head Island. Beautiful temperatures, warm water, cool breezes...the perfect two days at the beach.
My days looked like this:
9:00am Wake up in comfortable bed and linger
9:45am Eat yogurt in comfortable bed and sigh
10:30am Get out of bed and prepare for beach
11:00am - 6:00pm Beach, read, apply sunscreen, eat picnic lunch, kayak or workout, sit on deck when I might start to burn.
6:30pm Order room service and Shower
8:00pm Begin long walk on the beach with IPOD.
9:30pm stand in dark night looking into ocean, listen to favorite song and just be happy
My favorite thing, besides the kayaking, may have been my nightly walks on the beach. Walking among the families and couples, it really just felt like me and my ipod and my thoughts which lead to 2 great epiphanies.
Epiphany One:
Maybe this is what I am supposed to do, I thought. Travel to world alone, exploring, enjoying and writing. I've always wanted to set roots...buy a house, have a career but maybe, that is not what I need. I was reminded by a women last week that not everyone could do what I do. Travel alone, eat alone, navigate unknown roads and airports and cities without fear, with confidence. I love it though. I love to travel alone...especially when there is water.
As I walked the beach I thought that maybe the roots I wanted to plant are already growing deep, with my friends and my family, and I don't have to own a home to have them. And that I think I would be happy without a home of my own if the world could be my home, my adventure. To do this, I need to write a book. I'm sure there are other ways I could figure how to travel but when I travel alone, I write. I walk the beach and write in my mind and I think it could be a good book. So, I'll get on writing the first book...the book about this journey and then I'll take on the world and be ok if that means not owning a home of my own.
Epiphany Two:
I'm happy being single. I think I've tried to be ok with this for a long time, said I was ok with it, happier with only myself to tend to. This weekend I believed it. I walked the beach, among the families and couples and felt no envy, no jealousy. I thought nothing about them...just about me, traveling the world and loving it.
Three weeks in a row I'm traveling for work and rather than endure airplane after airplane, I'm driving from location to location in the south and spending my weekends near the water. This weekend I enjoyed Hilton Head Island. Beautiful temperatures, warm water, cool breezes...the perfect two days at the beach.
My days looked like this:
9:00am Wake up in comfortable bed and linger
9:45am Eat yogurt in comfortable bed and sigh
10:30am Get out of bed and prepare for beach
11:00am - 6:00pm Beach, read, apply sunscreen, eat picnic lunch, kayak or workout, sit on deck when I might start to burn.
6:30pm Order room service and Shower
8:00pm Begin long walk on the beach with IPOD.
9:30pm stand in dark night looking into ocean, listen to favorite song and just be happy
My favorite thing, besides the kayaking, may have been my nightly walks on the beach. Walking among the families and couples, it really just felt like me and my ipod and my thoughts which lead to 2 great epiphanies.
Epiphany One:
Maybe this is what I am supposed to do, I thought. Travel to world alone, exploring, enjoying and writing. I've always wanted to set roots...buy a house, have a career but maybe, that is not what I need. I was reminded by a women last week that not everyone could do what I do. Travel alone, eat alone, navigate unknown roads and airports and cities without fear, with confidence. I love it though. I love to travel alone...especially when there is water.
As I walked the beach I thought that maybe the roots I wanted to plant are already growing deep, with my friends and my family, and I don't have to own a home to have them. And that I think I would be happy without a home of my own if the world could be my home, my adventure. To do this, I need to write a book. I'm sure there are other ways I could figure how to travel but when I travel alone, I write. I walk the beach and write in my mind and I think it could be a good book. So, I'll get on writing the first book...the book about this journey and then I'll take on the world and be ok if that means not owning a home of my own.
Epiphany Two:
I'm happy being single. I think I've tried to be ok with this for a long time, said I was ok with it, happier with only myself to tend to. This weekend I believed it. I walked the beach, among the families and couples and felt no envy, no jealousy. I thought nothing about them...just about me, traveling the world and loving it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Missed Celebration.
While I was away from center, I missed celebrating a big accomplishment with you (and myself).
I now have lost more weight than I have left to lose....I have passed the 70 pounds lost mark and have 66 have to lose.
It still surprises me when I think about it.
I now have lost more weight than I have left to lose....I have passed the 70 pounds lost mark and have 66 have to lose.
It still surprises me when I think about it.
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