Going from good to audaciously amazing.

Sometimes we can see a woman change. Sometimes we can see this happening before us as she physically bursts forth into a beautiful butterfly! Sometimes it is harder to see as it creates roots deep under the surface. 

I want to share with you some of the roots I am growing. I always find sharing a balancing act because I want to fix things alone. I struggle to ask for help and share the difficulties I’m going through with others. I don’t want anyone’s pity and I don’t want to appear weak. Have you ever felt that way? Can you relate? 

Well…in the past I found my greatest success through sharing my journey with others and I want to do that again because my heart & mind continued to write to you even when I stopped letting myself share. 

In Feb 2008, weighing 279.8 pounds, strapped until mountains for credit card debt, losing breath in anxiety…I started a journey to lose weight & change my life. In July 2010, 2 1/2 years into my journey, I was making the final payment to pay off THOUSANDS of dollars in credit card debt, had lost 125 pounds…just 15 away from goal, was training for my first marathon, met the man of my dreams, was leaving a job I was amazing at but wasn’t fulfilled with to build my Mary Kay business…I was living my fairy tale dream. (Want the full story? Go back and read it...it's all here and it is pretty good!)

One pebble at a time, my firm foundation began to crumble. My roots lost grip. Weight came back, debt began to build, fear overcame joy, anxiety greater than peace, feelings of being ‘not enough’ clouded my every thought. The women I had unleashed during my transformation began to hide again both behind the weight that I’ve regained but also at time at home when I felt like being what I know I can be was too exhausting. Do you know that feeling? Being me was tiring, not energizing some days. That affected every part of my life…including my ability to pour into my friends & clients Not because I didn’t love each of the women around me, but because I could barely love myself at times.

I’m at the turning point again. The place where I changed my life in 2008…I am ready to do it again.  I anticipate the difficulty, discipline but more I anticipate the JOY and HAPPINESS and SUCCESS and PRIDE that I will feel in myself.  And now…NOW that I have a Mary Kay business that allows me to touch the lives of women on a daily basis to share my journey in hopes of inspiring others as I inspire myself…and to QUITE BEING ashamed of it!

So, I STEP UP and declare that I will live in joy instead of shame. I invite you to walk this journey with me. I know that this does not make me weak but stronger than ever.

I have beaten myself bloodied & bruised since I started re-gaining weight with disgust for myself. ‘How could I let this happen again?’ Today I embrace what taking a new path in my journey can be.

My story now will have more impact, doing it once is impressive, twice is inspiring. I share my journey  with you again but this time I think there will be more grace, more joy IN THE MOMENT, more detours in the road to happiness that isn’t found on a scale…but most of all, I pray that as I share my journey I share strength & love just I am now finding strength & love from a God I forgot could comfort me, strengthen me and make the audacious dreams of my heart happen. I will not take where I am as a weakness on my part but on a refinement from God. That last part of the journey was pretty good. This is going to be AUDACIOUSLY AMAZING!

Come with me as I lose the pounds and gain pennies of wisdom. 

Beginning from Today.

I had abandoned this blog and at times over the last 2 years it has felt as though I had abandoned myself.  After the slide began, I didn't know how to recapture it. I didn't know how to begin again with the intense amount of shame I felt. I didn't know if I could forgive myself, believe in myself or find the strength in myself to begin from where I am today.

For some reason tonight, I finally felt brave enough to view this blog. To rewind and see myself during this journey two years ago and to read the words I wrote. I saw a bright and beautiful woman. I am still the woman I was when I wrote those words. I know the words. I remember thinking them, crying over them, writing them.

There were two things I read that struck me.

One blog was on 'Holding on and Letting Go'...
I must hold onto the dream and vision. I must hold on to the woman I KNOW I am. I must let go of beating myself up for gaining a little weight and then not stopping it over the last 2 years so it turned into a lot of weight. I must let go of regret and hold onto hope, faith and belief in myself.

Another blog was on openness and shame. My uncle had asked what my number 1 tip was on weight loss...
"I said it was telling someone. Telling people not only creates accountability but it makes you face the shame you feel. I felt shame when this started and I felt shame again when I started doubting I could finish, when it was taking longer than I wanted to reach the goal. But it never will fail...having a way to be open and honest, having people you can share your struggles with...takes the shame away. I think I've said it before but I was reminded again tonight. Shame can't 't exist when you're honest with people who care, because by being honest with people who care you find acceptance, encouragement and support."  Maybe as I again am open and honest with myself and those of you surrounding me I can release my shame and move forward lighter each day.

Did I have any idea how beautiful I was or was I so busy stressing about reaching that magic number of weight loss that I couldn't accept where I was? I was so healthy, so vibrant, so perfectly at a place where I could love myself and enjoy it but I didn't know that is where I was. Maybe that is one of the lessons I will carry with me now as I begin again from where I am today.

So tonight, I start forgiveness. I hold onto love and let go of shame. I hold onto hope and let go of hate. I hold onto each of you that refuse to let go of me.

xo. sallie

HELLO November! This is my month of upgrades.

Moving from half-marathoner to marathoner.

Gracefully sliding from 20's to 30's

Dropping from 40 hours to 20 hours at Villages which means ...

Leaping into more Mary Kay.

Add to all that a renewed vigor to saying good-bye to remaining pounds, good-bye to another debt and hello to somethings new and very exciting.

Hello November. I like you already.

I am.

What do I say after I've been away for so long? My head has been spinning with everything that is coming in and out of my life. Facebook's status bar says "what's on your mind?" and the other day I read that and knew the answer was simply 'everything'.

I will have to come back tomorrow to write an articulate, whitty and metaphorically genius post, the kind this blog deserves. But tonight I want to say I'm here.

I am in Goshen.
I'm working hard.
I'm turning into a machine.
I am focused.
I am training for a marathon.
I am building my Mary Kay business.
I'm socializing.
I am making new friends.
I am busy.
I am happy.
I'm blessed.

A gorgeous morning greets us with a view of the ocean, sounds of the city, a perfect dominican breakfast & a wake up call from our favorite dominicano.

We're just not ready to come home. Boat rides, french people, near death experiences, new friends, new foods, good laughs. Shopping tomorrow before goodbyes.

Where to begin? 1-we're still alive. 2-we don't what tomorrow holds but what's new? Oh! What's new are bracelets that say "oh dios mios" our theme for the day.

Tomorrow...Helados Bon or bust!! It's been too long! Well, Helados Bon and a beach/snorkeling tour by boat where we will not get ripped off! Enough sunscreen?

Sun. Coco juice. 30min walk to city=2.5hours&tears. Burrito only means shape,not contents. 3 on moto home after 5 attempts@bank. Boogyboard saves day. No burns!

alive after a beautiful death-defying, unplanned moto ride in mtns. Rip off but my mad scared them down half price. Still expensive 'tour'. Sun-Beach-Adventure.

Favorites: heidi says "I know Sallie, you can buy a spanish board!" (Even our spanish speaking friends laughed) Sallie translating for heidi english to spanish.

Saturday: morning siesta, dominican lunch, 3D movie, catholic church. Late night out w/friends for dominican 'sushi' w/bacon, malecon w/water view & bad karaoke

Friday night: to the tv studio to watch mama film her tv show. Enjoyed flirtation of a very good looking dominican man. Dinner at fancy county club at 11:30pm!

Woke to gorgeous sun. Went to Zona Colonial in publico (7 in small car). Said 'no gracias' a lot. Had great street food after bad corn ice cream then drenched.

Arrived! Dominican lunch-yum. Siesta & shower. Walk to someplace we never found. Speaking bad spanish but understanding lots. Tomorrow-the place not found today

Fun watching 'fashion' then Flight canceled. Anger,tears,disbelief,laughter. Miami hotel, screw top wine, no luggage. Sleep nude, wash undie in sink. Luck? Fun.

Success!! 160 character blog updates start today! No pictures, we'll have to rely on internet cafes. 2 casualties today: left laundry soap & don't like purse!

I heard there was a way to text blog updates. I'm giving it a shot on my way to the airport!

A Quickie

Just a quickie update of the last few weeks.

1. got sick.
2. found out Nepal was having strikes
3. was sick and had to decide if I was going to postpone/cancel Nepal trip
4. canceled Nepal trip.
5. cried a lot
6. was still sick
7. lied on the couch
8. went through 2 boxes of kleenex
9. booked tickets to the Dominican Republic for much needed vacation
10. went back to work
11. ran 8.5 miles
12. weighed in at 154.3...15 pounds left to lose, 125 pounds down
13. met another prospective Mary Kay client
14. packed tight for my trip
15. leaving tomorrow for the DR!

Check here and/or Facebook to see photos as we can post them through the trip. I'll make sure to update when I get back on the 21st.

The End of the Dating Drought.

So folks. The drought has ended. I had a first date.

If there is any doubt I've changed my life let me just lay this out for you. It was a totally blind date. We went to a rock climbing gym. Rock climbing on a first date means you can't wear a cute dress. I went on a first date in pretty darn tight workout clothes. Yes, I looked cute but there was no hiding my butt. Speaking of butts...mine was in a harness, high in the air. My date was on the ground making sure I didn't plunge to my death. This meant when I slipped off the wall trying to swing my foot onto a ledge, I was hanging in a harness, high in the air, suspended by my butt, above my date's head.

I've never been rock climbing and had been wanting to go. So...why not have a first on a first? Although I had a bit of a freak out after committing to it, I went, had fun, challenged myself and didn't get annoyed/angry like I normally do when doing new things I'm concerned I won't be able to complete. It was like I actually had confidence in myself and my physical ability. It was like I was an athlete! :)

After hanging above my date in a harness and witnessing his cat-like abilities on the wall, we acquired a third leg to the date and went for dinner. Yeah, you caught that. My first date, wearing tight workout clothes when I first met the date, hanging in the air above his head, had a third person join us for dinner. Who does this happen to? Who does this happen to and they leave the date thinking it was ok?? I guess I do.

There won't be another date with that particular guy but I got the first first out of the way. And hey, I got a free rock climbing lesson out of it.

Oh new and exciting life. You bring twists and turns but I like you.